You know they say that the love of a parent is the deepest love of all. The events of my life, in the past few years, had led me to wonder about that. I doubted if it was possible to love your children as you SAY you do. I wondered how it is that our Heavenly Father could possibly love US as so much that he sent His son to DIE for us when there are parents who exist in this world who have such disdain for life. I watch these stories unfold in the news about parent’s killing their children and my heart aches. I have had to start turning OFF the news as a matter of fact. I just cannot imagine how, when there are families like some of my bloggy friends Tiffany, Heather and Whitney who so DESPERATELY want a child, yet there are mothers out there who smoke and drink and do drugs throughout their pregnancies. I just don’t get it.
But then, something happens in your life and you find yourself back where you started. With your mom holding your head as you are sick from the shock, and sleeping in your bed because you just can’t be there alone, and being there every single minute for you. And you think you get it. You really do, until one day you are crying on the phone about all the horrible calls and financial straights and then they say it “Just move in with us”.
You are floored because your family is not the “huggy, kissy, say “I love you” all the time” type. They didn’t profess their undying love every minute of every day of your life through sob stories of this that or the other, but they challenged you to be better. They never told you “it’s okay” when it wasn’t and if you did something wrong they didn’t fail to chastise you. At some point in your life you mistook that as them being harsh and maybe, at some points it was harsh, but it was all done in love. And at that moment you realize it… these are parents, who would give up EVERYTHING for you and for your kids and do it with a JOYFUL heart.
Are you stunned yet? Soon, we will move back in with my parents, and take over the house that they have worked all their lives to build. We will invade the space that is inherently theirs and my children will fill their normally quiet walls with laughter, tears, screaming and all kinds of noise and my parents are HAPPY about it. What kind of people are able to to so freely GIVE of themselves? They may not have much in the way of monetary possessions but what they do have, they are willing to sacrifice, sell, and share with us.
(sorry… had to take a break to wipe my tears)
But then it gets better. Your mom babysits your kids while you are gone to the doctor (for the 20th time) and she has to call you because she is SO tickled. Ross has said something so adorable that she just HAD to tell you that minute and she realizes that she would give up ANYTHING to make sure she got those opportunities. There is no amount of pride in her possessions or her house that would keep her from these little moments.
And then there is your Dad who seems to have this overwhelming sadness about him for a few days and you cannot figure out why. Finally he manages to tell your mom that he is sad for YOU. Not for himself because he is giving up his house but FOR YOU, because you have worked SO hard for this… life… house… studio and watching it all slip away pains him. Because no matter what he is SO PROUD of you not for what you have done or earned but for WHO you are. Proud that you are NOT too proud to move back in for the sake of your kids. Proud that you would trust them (your parents) to be such a huge part of your life.
And you realize… you love these people more than you have word to tell. You wish you could give them the world but you can’t because at this point you are doing all you can just to keep a roof over your kids’ head. You realize just how privileged you are to have such loving parents who would sacrifice all this for YOU and you begin to fathom again the love of Christ. The love that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things… and NEVER FAILS. That’s when you know that everything will be just fine. You stop worrying and you start to get excited about all the ways in which your life is about to change. You stop mourning your “stuff” and start rejoicing in the people who make your life what it is and you realize… your priorities are finally right where they should be. Then you know, that these people who raised you, did a good job. They instilled this same love in you and you know, without a doubt, that you love your kids to the end of the earth and back and that you would do anything for them. You remember all the long nights in the hospital rooms and all the bills you had to pay on a credit card. You remember living out of your car because you didn’t have the money to stay in a hotel while your child was in ICU. You remember the loads of $900 a month formula and how it changed her life. You remember all the ways in which this load of debt piled up on you and you realize that it was all worth it. Selling your house… worth it. Debt collectors calling… worth it. Stress beyond measure… worth it. Because you look over and there she is in her Cinderella dress with her feeding pump backpack on and she is playing with the Spongebob toys from Ross’ cake (which he deemed the best birthday ever) and you know… you did it for her… for them … for US and it wasn’t all that hard. But you know also that your parents made the SAME sacrifice and you think of how great their love is and you are humbled beyond measure.
I am blessed. We are blessed.
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