Fortune and Fortunate
I have no idea what is planned for our lives. Sitting here almost two hours waiting for people to visit an open house... not one has shown up. No calls this week, no offer, no showings... nothing. I am scared absolutely to death that we are not going to be able to sell this house and that our baby house that we have seen every single beam go into is going to go to someone else. Maybe to someone that it is JUST a house. Just some place to live. Will they love our house like we do? Probably not. And you know... its not just about the house to me. I have really been thinking about what this house is and what it means to us. Other than just wanting a house with the bedrooms and laundry all on one level this house is a LOT more than just a house. This house represents so many things to me. I feel like watching this house slip away is like loosing my dream, my hope, my faith in everything working out just the way it should.
This house is not just a house. Everything we have ever set out to do in our lives we have done. Bought cars, houses, had kids, did the college thing (even though I had no desire to finish because if I really wanted to I would have), started a business... etc etc. This house is the start of everything new for us. It was supposed to be perfect, just like our baby, just like our studio. But none of those three seem to be working out as planned.
We have spent so much of our lives trying to fix things that were broken, or make do with yard sale finds, remodeling because we could never afford what we really needed or wanted. To fail at owning this house is to me almost like failing at life itself. Its like saying I might as well quit my business, because that too will eventually fall through. Its like agreeing with all our friend who said our marriage will never last and just calling that quits too. So you see I CAN'T loose this house. At any cost I MUST make a way to move into this house and truly once and for all make it our home.
Watching this house being built we have taken get pride and pains in documenting it from the concrete to the shingles. Caring for it in its infancy. Taking pride in knowing that it is going to be finished some day soon and stand tall as a huge amazing house that is filled with such love, joy, and pride.
We have visited our house almost every day since it was nothing but a pile of dirt. I cannot imagine having to say goodbye to it and I pray and pray and pray that I won't have to....
This house is not just a house. Everything we have ever set out to do in our lives we have done. Bought cars, houses, had kids, did the college thing (even though I had no desire to finish because if I really wanted to I would have), started a business... etc etc. This house is the start of everything new for us. It was supposed to be perfect, just like our baby, just like our studio. But none of those three seem to be working out as planned.
We have spent so much of our lives trying to fix things that were broken, or make do with yard sale finds, remodeling because we could never afford what we really needed or wanted. To fail at owning this house is to me almost like failing at life itself. Its like saying I might as well quit my business, because that too will eventually fall through. Its like agreeing with all our friend who said our marriage will never last and just calling that quits too. So you see I CAN'T loose this house. At any cost I MUST make a way to move into this house and truly once and for all make it our home.
Watching this house being built we have taken get pride and pains in documenting it from the concrete to the shingles. Caring for it in its infancy. Taking pride in knowing that it is going to be finished some day soon and stand tall as a huge amazing house that is filled with such love, joy, and pride.
We have visited our house almost every day since it was nothing but a pile of dirt. I cannot imagine having to say goodbye to it and I pray and pray and pray that I won't have to....
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