Yesterday was Kyleigh’s Sedated Echo. I got to spend the weekend at a convention in Chicago with some of my best girlfriends so I managed to escape worrying for the weekend. The minute we were turning into the parking lot at Cincinnati I thought I would hurl. I hit me like that ocean wave that you can SEE coming but can’t get out of its way. Then it comes over you and bam you are swirling under it trying your best to get your head above water again. All in the course of a second I realized that I have less than a month. People ask me everyday “how are you doing”. The truth is… I am not “doing” at all. I am numb. And for a long time I thought that was a good thing.

But sitting there talking to the surgeon I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and instantly “turned it off”. I am not numb.. I have learned to turn myself off. And the more I talk to people the more I realize that its not a good thing. I realize that I just need to do whatever to get through this but this is not healthy. And as much as anyone tries to understand no one truly does. I talked to Rachel today at Dr.Y’s office and told her- I think I need some more prozac! Seriously I think I as I get closer I realize how stressed I am and how tight my chest is. I think I need to see a shrink.

Its snowing today. And one of my favorite wedding clients is coming for their engagement session. She told me on the phone “God must love me” because its snowing like I wanted. Yeah, guess I managed to not make it that list lately! And yes its stupid to say… but you know these are the things that go through your head. I will post some pics of Ky tonight…. I actually have some!

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