Its been long week, month, year, two years…. The day that Dr.Y sat us down in his office after that fateful ultrasound at 20 weeks… that was the day that changed my life. I knew that everything I had ever known before would go out the door and what would remain would a just a shell of who I used to be. What I did not realize is that that shell would be toughened and filled up with a new person that I had no idea I could be. Never once in my wildest imagination did I realize that I one could be so tough, and tender, strong and weak, passive and assertive, careful and carefree, and certainly never as stressed and as happy as I am now. Kyleigh Morgan, born on July 13,2007 is our miracle. I understand that God gives us everyday miracles like the sun, the clouds, the rain but Kyleigh is something extra special. I am the one who has the privilege of raising this amazing baby girl. I cannot begin to imagine the kind of woman that she will grow into. The kind of strength that she will have. My daughter is a fighter. She has been fighting since the day she was conceived. She is going to do amazing things. She is going to change our world. She is going to leave an impression on the hearts of so many that we will never know the numbers. She may be scarred but she will be proud of them. She will wear them with honor and tell her story so that others will know. I know that she will be more than I have ever asked for because she already is. I watch her and I think wow… if I only I can grow up to be half the woman she is now. So… what do I want to be when I grow up? I want to be just like my daughter.

I watch her each day with amazement and wonder. I think of her and she takes my breath away. She grips my heart and mind and I have no concept of how much I love. It is so vast that I cannot begin to describe it.

We have had to fight so hard to keep her here that I am more than attached to her. But daily we are faced with the harsh realities that no matter how much you love someone you cannot keep them here longer than they are allowed. She is on loan to us and it scares me to think that her return time may be sooner than we would like. Troy and I rarely talk about the what ifs. It scares both of us. And you know sometimes I think this may all be in my head. Until I realize that it is just as much in the minds of everyone who knows us as it is our own. When you are having a chat at dinner and someone asks…. “so are you going to have more kids?” Troy’s answer is always NO. Unless something happens. I keep telling him that if we don’t want to get PG again then he should have a vasectomy. Finally tonight I realized. The reason why he is waiting is to make sure that he wasn’t going to need that just one more time. We have always said if something went wrong with Kyleigh that we KNOW that we want another one. Right away. Its just us. And NOOOOOOO… its not about replacing. Its something we cannot explain… something that is never spoken between us but is always understood. He cannot get fixed because there is some degree of uncertainty as to whether we will need to have another child or not.

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