Its 4:12 am and I just walked in the door from the hospital. They called around 1:45 am to ask if I could come and take pictures of a baby girl who was lost this evening. Its always a heavy thing to get the call for a NILMDTS session. Its not that anyone WANTS to go through these sessions. Believe me.. it would have been EASY to have ignored the phone… or not even heard it. It would have been easy to stay in my warm bed and worry about it in the morning. But I can’t do that. I can’t ignore the phone when I know that I have a gift to give to a family.

As I drove home I was thinking.. why is it that I feel this NEED to immediately answer and respond to the NILMDTS pages? Because I made a commitment to the organization, to the hospital, and to the families we serve…. and I do not take it lightly. Part of me hopes that the more NILMDTS sessions I see the less chance I will have of experiencing one from the other side. Another part of me wonders if I am being prepared. I hope that I never have to hold my own daughter that way. I hope that I never have to make the phone call to a friend to ask them to come in the middle of the night to meet us. I pray with all my heart but I also realize how close we have been to actually being on the other side of the lens and I can’t help but wonder if we have only cheated death for a while… and that maybe it will come for her again. I have offered my plea to God and I will continue to.

These are the things that you are forced to think about when you have a baby like Ky. Maybe that makes me unstable or crazy but I don’t think so… its not unhealthy to think of this. Its human.

So tonight I will go into my kids bedrooms, kiss them and make sure they are all ok. Then I will curl up in bed beside my husband and I will thank god that he has seen fit to allow my baby girl, and my other babies for that matter, to stay with us. It is an honor and privilege that not every parent enjoys. Today, two days after Thanksgiving… give thanks. For your family, for your health, for your life and the life in those around you.

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