I never imagined that our lives would lead us here but like so many other things in our lives and Kyleigh’s we are learning to accept help and to EXPERIENCE the kindness of strangers. Its amazing and wonderful and humbling. Today we received a box in the mail that contained a scale, two matress sheet savers, two changing pad covers and a set of onesies (that actually fit!!!) Its amazing how much such small things can make your day.
Yesterday was horrible. I had a complete panic attack (which I have only ever done maybe three times) and was shaking then had a horrible headache afterward. Ky pulled her g-tube yet AGAIN. This time it had been out god knows how long and her tract was all but closed. Troy managed to be able to use an anal dilator (rod prod… LOL) to reopen the tract and put the button back in. Trust me… that is NOT something I ever want to see happen again in my home. The next time we will take her and let JOE do that in the office or OR. It was truly awful.
Then today I wake up really ready to puke. I spent all morning trying my hardest not to and Troy stayed home so that I could sleep and take a phenegren. All day I have been in the “medicine haze” and still nauseated…. I managed to answer the phone and it was Dr. Keissling’s nurse (Nephorology) and they were calling to say that they needed Ky to have her urine checked again because Dr. Keissling was not happy with her calcium and creatinine levels. So…. tomorrow we will be off to the office again to have that checked.
For today I am just very humbled and thankful for the kindnesses that are continuing to be shown to our family. Say a prayer that I feel better in the AM because its hard enough to get through our days without me being sick. UGH.
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You probably don’t remember me but we “met” on Scrapjazz and talked about how we both have had our kiddos at Children’s in Cincy. We actually were there at the same time at one point. Anyway…I’ve read your blog since then and as the Lord brings you to mind, I pray for you, Kyleigh and the rest of your family.
I’m so glad you received the encouragement of a special package today. Sounds like it came at the perfect time.
I hope tomorrow is a better day and that you’re feeling better as well. I’ll be praying that things go well at the doctor’s office.
Oh Amber! Girl, I hope you realize what a goofy perspective you have when you actually think things like “I’ve ONLY had a panic attack 3 or 4 times”…ONCE is ENOUGH.
Unless you’ve had one you cannot possibly imagine. Here’s the best comparison – you know when you’re driving and right in front of you some car goes bizerk and while you’re trying to figure out how to avoid an accident you’re thinking, “OH my god, I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die! I’m gonna die!” Your heart races, you feel like barfing, your muscles are all tense, and you’re totally jittery? Yeah, that’s close to what a panic attack feels like. And here’s Amber saying ONLY 3 or 4 times…ONLY.
I’ve found that when I don’t take care of myself enough, when I don’t take it easy, something comes along and knocks me off my feet for me. Usually it’s an illness of some sort. REST. Take a rest. Your mind (through a panic attack) and your body (through the pukes) are telling you to REST. I know resting can be hard. I, for one, am happiest when I’m busy and distracted from the realities of the medical crap. When I rest I have time to think about it and get bummed out. So that’s hard, but sometimes you have to rest!
And gosh I hate the pukes. I hope that goes away…but if that’s what it takes to keep you off your feet and resting, then so be it.
I’m so mean!
Keep writing. I check here every day and am often thinking about you guys and praying good things for you.
- becca
So glad to hear that you are feeling a bit more sane today.
Panic attacks SUCK! Big time! I used to have them SOOO bad and had to get on meds for it. I got off when I found out I was preggo with Gavin and since I have only had 1 (about a week ago). Once I had that one again, I realized how unbelievably horrible they are (I almost forgot). K, the moral of my big long drawn out response is that I really hope the panic goes away and you can just rest. I agree that the nausea goes hand in hand with the panic feeling. Atleast it does with me. Hopefully with some R & R, things will get better.
(((HUGS)))