More of the same….

Posted by Amber On August - 10 - 2008

Yesterday we had a wedding and at least it was beautiful weather. Relatively cool- upper 70′s and a breeze! We couldn’t have asked for better for an August day! Kyleigh is back in the land of puke. Twice yesterday. I am truly anxious for these next set of appointments to come and go (Dr. Kaul (motility) and Dr. Kiessling (nephrology)) so that we can make some decisions about Nissen, decompression, etc….

Even with all the diagnoses we have on Ky I still cannot shake this feeling that there is “something wrong”… something bigger that we are just not quite getting. I have the privilege of sometimes talking with a mom who lost her daughter at 4 years old to a rare lung disease. We were sitting in Starbucks one day chatting and she said something that I will never forget. She told me that if I felt there was something wrong… to NEVER stop pushing and looking for it. I believe that she knew there was something wrong with her daughter and couldn’t get anyone to listen. I can’t stand to think that with my loud opinions that if something were really wrong that I wouldn’t be able to find SOMEONE to listen. I don’t care if I sound completely crazy I just need someone to humor me. For what? I don’t know… but I am determined to find out.

Nausea, Vomiting – its just not right for a child to puke 2-3 or more times per day.
Random Fevers – spiked up to 104-106 for a few hours and then disappearing as quickly as they came.
Mystery bruises and “black” Legs – My child gets bruises all the friggin time and I never have any idea where they come from! Every shot, IV, etc gives her the most awful bruises. And the Black Legs… well we never found an answer to those either.
Infection after Infection in every system from GI to Sternal to Urological… so yeah the Immunologist think Ky may just be a kid who runs “low” on the immune system… that may be her normal. Well fine… if we were not constantly on some abx for some infection or another I would believe that is fine… but reality is that its not ok. Just because my kid doesn’t get the normal snotty nose, ear infection, sinus infection doesn’t mean anything… there are thousand of infections one can have.
Fatigue/ Lack of energy.. it breaks my heart to watch Kyleigh in the back yard. She rarely RUNS and certainly can not keep up with the boys. Everything is slower for her. I often look out in the back yard to see the boys running and playing and Kyleigh is sitting on the steps watching. She wants so badly to run and play but she cannot tolerate the heat and she certainly cannot run with the boys.
Lack of Balance- obviously this is Chiari related but my child still cannot wear real shoes and actually stand up straight and walk down a hallway. She can barely walk down the hallway barefoot.
Pain- where I don’t know… I just know she hurts inside… maybe its her bones or joints, muscles, heart, chest, bladder, something.. but somewhere she is hurting. I honestly believe that she is in a lot more pain than we know.
Prolonged time to “heal” a normal cut or bruise… Ky scraped her knee on the concrete and I watched as it took nearly two months for the scrap and scab to completely disappear. Also, right after her heart surgery… after they pulled her art line it literally took 2.5 hours of holding pressure to get her to START clotting off. Anytime they pull an IV they have to hold it forever because she will bleed through the entire gauze pad. I noticed this again after her shots this time. One shot… she soaked through the Bandaid before we could leave the office. That just doesn’t seem right to me.

These things… I haven’t a clue what they add up to but its something. Two year olds don’t just GET things like Pemphigus… there is SOMETHING WRONG. Megan has told us before that maybe we need to step back and take the “Kyleigh diagnosis” out of the equation. If we were looking at a normal child… who was getting the things I listed above – who did NOT have VACTERL and did NOT have heart condition, no anus, spinal cord issue… WHAT would the doctors be looking for??? That is what I want to know. Or would they be blowing me off even more because at least our VACTERL gets us some liberty with the “what if” scale. It seems that every doctor we see dismisses these things and “just Kyleigh”… but I just cannot get past the fact that this just isn’t right.

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7 Responses to “More of the same….”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Amber I am COMPLETELY with you! But you probably knew that… I still can’t decide if I’m crazy or not but I too have the “there is SOMETHING we are missing ” feeling ALL the time! I have varying levels of success even making those concerns heard- and usually don’t get very far after that.

    It makes me want to scream! Hey, maybe we can scream together ;)

    Anyway, I hope you can get some decisions made in these next appts- we too are in the land of waiting, hoping to make decisions based on what our next GI appt holds etc!

    If nothing else, I truly hope you can stop the puking :(

    Jessica
    http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/eithenerosehilliard

  2. A Beautiful Mess says:

    nothing is stonger than a moms love or her instincts! I hope and pray that you are able to tap the right people to make things better for Ky….

    stop by my blog I am giving away a camera pretty:)

  3. Mindy - The mom says:

    (((HUGS)))

    I really am hoping that you find your answers in someone who won’t dismiss everything. You are being a wonderful mommy!

    Mindy

    Oh, I posted a pic just for you on my blog!!

  4. My Carousel of Progress says:

    We also have a 3 month old VACTERL son (still in the NICU) so we can see your point, and you are right! Keep pushing those doctors, tell them how you feel. Make them justify the "well it's just Ky" scenario. My sister as diagnosised with asthma at age 22. We had been to many doctors all her life until then trying to figure it out. They all said it's just a phase. One Dr actually told her it was "your little black box of feelings causing this." All along it was asthma! While it is a completely different scenario the underlying message is the same. Make them justify their findings if you do not agree or completely understand or tell them you are moving on. Remember, the medical industry is a consumer industry, you have to please the customer, they do have a choice. All to often we tend to forget that we are the ones paying for this, because we are so wrapped up in what is going on and trying to understand the process and diagnosis. Good luck with everything! We wish you all the best. VACTERL children deserve nothing but the best because they enrich our lives with their spirit and courage everyday. Ky is proof of that! Take care.

    Michael & Katharine
    Parents of Elias
    mycarouselofprogress.blogspot.com

  5. Cyndy Lou Whoo says:

    Amber, I will keep sending good vibes your way. And I agree with your friend to trust your instincts & push for an answer, clue or other step in the right direction. And I want to say the main reason I read your blog is for my own personal reality check. Your strength, long suffering, courage & fight inspire me & make me want to be stronger. As always, my prayers are with you & your family.

  6. AshleyS says:

    You are totally right to keep pushing the doctors. Speaking from experience–YOU know your child best and there is definitely something to “a mother’s instinct.” Just keep fighting until you find a doctor who listens. It took us going back to the NICU–a neonatologist is our go-to man now and he listens just as intently as if we were doctors. Keep searching!

  7. Dawn says:

    Keep pushing those docs…….I always believe the we, as mothers, have a special intuition with our children.

    I don’t have any real medical advice to add other than google “Von Willebrand” for her bleeding and healing issue……

    Keep your chin up!

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