I am truly sorry that I have not found the time to update the blog and tell everyone the entire story of the “PICC line incident” but I just don’t have the energy or the mind to do so right now. You know I have not felt depressed at any time through this entire journey. Everyone tells me I need meds, a therapist, this, that or the other… and I feel like I have done extraordinarily well until now. In the recent days I do feel that slipping away from me. My ability to cope and get things done at the same time is fading fast. I truly do try not to whine and complain. If I am venting its usually over something that is insane or completely stressful but maybe I just don’t see myself as everyone else does.
Right now its really hard to know what is what. I am sick (likely something I picked up at the hospital this time around) and I am physically exhausted yet I have 10,000 things to do. People calling needing everything and needing it YESTERDAY. And you know I feel for my clients who have had to wait a long time on things. I have tried my best and it just is not enough right now. I am only one person and while I try to be superhuman it just doesn’t work that way.
I continue to push myself to the limits of human abilities and I just don’t know how much longer I can do it. I just need a break for a while. Just a few weeks to breathe, catch up, and get ahead. Sadly enough that doesn’t seem to be coming anytime soon…. today is one of those days where you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I am tired, sick and I just need to go to bed for two days but that is just not possible. Today is a sucky day. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
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Amber,
Do not despair….
The human body has many limitations. When you are eshasuted, it is hard to see the light. You are in a dark place right now and your mind needs time to process all the dramatic things that have happened. Truly resting will be your best prescription. And…..don’t feel guilty about it!! You cannot care for Kyleigh if you are spent. She will pick up on your anquish. In doing that, she will not only feel her pain but yours as well. REST! If not for yourself….for her. Remember, We are weak and He is strong! Jesus does his best work at times like this. Give him all this “stuff” and let him carry the load. As you love and care for Kyleigh, He cares for his children in love and power beyond our human understaning. You are not alone!
With much love…
Oh Amber, I’m so sorry you are feeling so cruddy. You guys have been through a lot the last week or so and when you get sick on top of it- well nothing seems “ok” anymore at that point!
I’m praying that you CAN find some time to rest and recover- and I hope Ky is feeling better too! I have definitely had my momets too over the last 2 weeks- hang in there, you are not alone and you are being prayed for!
Jessica
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/eithenerosehilliard
I love this song from Third Day and it made me think of you today
Well I won’t pretend to know what you’re thinking
And I can’t begin to know what you’re going through
And I won’t deny the pain that you’re feeling
But I’m gonna try and give a little hope to you
Just remember what I told you
There’s so much you’re living for
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
Shining bright at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
So keep holding on….
I will bring the CD for ya to burn while we are there!!! ((HUGS))
Can I get a shout out for medicinal marijuana?!
Hahaha.
No, seriously, I hope you find the time…rest…whatever it takes to feel better.
Love you girls,
becca
I TOTALLY agree with Becca about the medicinal marijuana, LOL.
I hope you start to feel better girl!! We have been sick as dogs in our house too, I think there is something going around. You WILL make it through this, just as you always so graciously do. We will be thinking and praying for you, sweety!!
((((HUGS))))
{hug}
If you just want to talk sometime let me know.
oh amber …. what can i do? nothing from this far except the most powerful thing i can from this far away, prayer, deep heartfelt prayer. i hope that today you will feel it! and it will lift you up. its the only thing i can do and i long to help you in some way. going through this for 5 years now has left me with a bit of experience and i also just want to say i understand!
oh amber …. what can i do? nothing from this far except the most powerful thing i can from this far away, prayer, deep heartfelt prayer. i hope that today you will feel it! and it will lift you up. its the only thing i can do and i long to help you in some way. going through this for 5 years now has left me with a bit of experience and i also just want to say i understand!
Sign me up for some “medicinal marijuana” too ladies! Or some good laughs! I am right there in a rut with you Amber. We just keep getting buried deeper into medical issues.
We live in SD- all we have is lots of ditchweed here!
Lori Dennison
Ditchweed???? Is that like Ragweed? We might die if we smoked that!!! ROFL