Everyone continues to ask how I am doing through this whole mess and I cannot find it in me to say… “not good” or “OKAY” because I am MORE than those things. I am doing surprisingly well. I have ups and downs as anyone would expect but as a whole I am fine, good even. HOW? It is not of myself I can tell you that much. Myself is angry and hurt to my deepest core, but I have found myself in the comfort of the most high.
When you have horrible things happen to you, you find yourself returning to those things that were instilled in you in childhood. When your heart is hurting you turn to the things that you KNOW are true. For me that is the word of God and the comfort of my Heavenly Father. I hold to the promises I have been given and I have faith that this is the year of the FAVOR of the Lord for me and my children.
I heard this song on the radio the other day and I literally had to pull over and cry. It is the perfect depiction of my life at this point. So how am I doing? Its time for me to heal and to move on. To make right what has been wrong in my life. Its time for me to return to the things that I know bring peace and grace. Through all the chaos in my life there is peace. Can you believe that? PEACE. I have been blanketed in the prayers of my friends and family. My family is truly amazing and at times like these I realize how truly blessed I am to have them. I would not trade them for anyone else in the world. I have the best FRIENDS in the world. They have rescued me, talked to me late into the night even though I am falling asleep on the phone. They have listened as I cried and bought me drinks when I really needed them. From elaborate beautiful gifts in the mail to simple cards, from one line emails to beautiful prayers, my friends have truly lifted me up and carried me.
Today… for me… its time to breathe in and let EVERYTHING out. Today I am moving on.
The song is called “Whatever you’re doing” by Sanctus Real. It is the song that is playing on the player to the right today —————–>
It’s time for healing time to move on
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It’s time to find my way to where I belong
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender
(Chorus)
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
but I’m giving in to something Heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender…
To…
(Chorus)
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I’ve wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly
It’s time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out
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Amber-
I too heard this song and it spole to me. I have been saying that I just want to be who I once was and this song sums that up!
Thinking of you today and waiting for that pedicure…soon!
Jessica
Love that song! Here’s hoping you continue to work toward finding your inner peace as you clean your “house”. Lori