Of life and love… geez. Now there is a post for pondering early on a Friday morning when the 70 degree weather has made way for snow! I recently found a blog and fell upon this post. The author ponders her life’s loves and asked some big questions that I found myself strangely feeling the need to answer. At 9:41 am on Friday morning I lost myself in thought and ended up here posting it because what came out of me actually surprised me!

What have you learned from Love?
The ones we LOVE the most are often the ones we hurt the most or the ones who hurt us. Sad but true. That “better to have loved and lost” is all a load. Better to have loved and WON I say! In all seriousness as a 26 year old mother of three who has been in love twice and married the second one, then subsequently had three kids (one of which is sick) and lived through the nanny (a true whore in every sense of the word- and I don’t use that word lightly) and claimed her husband as her own and claimed that COVENANT marriage, went to war in the heavenlies and won…. I say love never dies. Maybe its like an old pair of shoes that is headed to Goodwill. They were beautiful and exciting when you first put them on and you wore them proudly. You wore them for a while and THEN they were comfortable and reliable. Then finally the style changed yet you could not throw them away. They graced the back of you closet for a long time before you decide “its time for a change”. As you clean out that closet there are the shoes… if you put them back on they would still be comfortable… still fit… and still be reliable. Now… you could EVEN clean them up. Take them and have their leather re-fashioned and shaped. BUT are you WILLING to put in the effort. Eventually if you kept them long enough they would even come back into style and you would be proud to wear them and they would have a STORY to tell of how they made it through the “cuts” and evaded the Goodwill bag so many times. But like everything its a choice. Yes those shoes could have gone to the Goodwill. They would have sat on a shelf for a while sad and lonely but then one day… someone willing to put in the work and looking for a “treasure” would have found them. They would have paid a little less for them but they would have APPRECIATED them instantly for their value and they too would wear them proudly. Not proud of what they USED to be but of what they ARE and for WHERE they are in their journey. That is the thing about these shoes… you cannot appreciate them for the high of them being new and shiny. You must appreciate them for what they are, where they have been and what they have been and WILL BE to you.

Either route seems to work out well for the shoes. They end up happy and no worse for the wear. They are not broken and like our souls we are not broken by love and loss.

What have I learned from heartbreak?
1) People are never to be trusted. They lie. They lie to your face and they will dishonor YOU without much thought. People in the dark have no vision of the light… and therefore no moral compass. With no moral compass they have no reason to feel guilty and somehow they keep no record of their own wrongs… only everyone else’s.

2) Trust can be broken once and must be earned back. Trust once broken a second time is gone forever. A very wise Pastor once said this in a Sunday morning sermon and I took it to heart. It is very true.

2) Everyone is young and stupid once. You don’t get multiple tries at this… its a one time deal. Try not to hurt someone else in the process.

3) People lie… even people who love you. Oh wait… I already said that. I must reiterate it.

3) Hearts are fragile and you must make a choice to simmer in the fire until all that’s left are ashes or fight your way out of the fire and end up with minor smoke inhalation! Well we all know which I choose. No one has ever found Amber to be anything LESS than a fighter.

4) You must seize the opportunity of a lifetime… during the LIFETIME of the opportunity. Yet another sermon from another great minister. I listened to this one too.

5) There is very rarely a thing that is so terrible that one who is loved cannot be forgiven for. This courtesy does not extend to those who are “liked” or “accepted” and certainly not to those who are despised. Take heed of that. Forgiveness in the heart for actions is I think very different than forgiveness of the person. I think one equals acceptance of that one’s actions which were WRONG are actually right allowing them to live under the blindness and idiocy of that notion. Wrong is wrong… right is right… get right and stay there.

6) Never take for granted what you have. Marriage and love is not easy. You have to work and work and never stop. When you stop- you quit and that leads you to a BAD road. I am not a quitter… I may be naive but it only takes once for me. I learn quickly and I never forget.

7) Always remember and never forget. Always remember the GOOD things but never forget the bad. When we forget we become vulnerable to make the same mistake twice. That is why hingsight is 20/20 because you can forever glance over your shoulder and its STILL THERE.

Live, Laugh, Love. Words to live by. I will continue to live to laugh and to love with all my being. I will enjoy every single moment of non-hospitalized glory to the fullest. I will love every single home made meal and coupon clipped. I will laugh when it snows after wearing shorts just two days earlier. I will laugh and realize that I won! I will laugh on the plane to Jamaica. I will laugh at the amazingly gorgeous wedding days that I have the privilege of being a part of. I will love without prejudice or malice. I will love with all that I am and all that I have … until forever just like I promised.

Would you do it all again?
I don’t honestly know. The “first love” no. That one was senseless. That one shook my beliefs in humanity itself… that one no. This one… yes. As sad as it is I would do it again. Even knowing what I would go through I know where I AM. I know what is waiting on the other side. I know the miracle that has occurred and I do NOT take that for granted. Now if you are asking me would I do this a SECOND time… that answer is very different. NO. Absolutely not. There will BE NO SECOND CHANCE. As the old saying goes… fool me once… shame on you… fool me twice shame on me.

So…. I know… what a reply for early on Friday morning. Some days I wake up feeling deep and thoughtful. Today was one of those days.

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