I cannot go into the details right now but sufficed to say yesterday was another one of “those days”.  No… its not Kyleigh and its not marital … financial stuff.  I swear its like we cannot get a break.  You survive your kid almost dying (a couple of times), “the nanny” from hell, and then you STILL get to deal with the financial repercussions of it all.  It just sucks.

Somehow it felt like yesterday was the beginning of the end for the finances.  We have big decisions to make that we thought we could fight our way out of making and I just don’t think we have time enough on our side to do it.  Sigh……………  To me, as Rob Bell says, “Everything is Spiritual”.  It had been an absolutely beautiful day yesterday.  We spent the day getting lots of work done and enjoying some time with our kids at my parent’s pool and then we come home to THIS… thing… awful…. sad and horrible.  Nearly immediately the skies opened up and we have an unbelievably powerful thunderstorm, from NOWHERE.  It was an angry storm.  Not one of those easy summer rains when your kids can play outside, but the kind that it littered with lightening and thunder.  One that makes your kids some crawl up in your lap.

To me it was as if God himself was upset with “attack” on our finances.  I think He was taking it out on the South Side of Lexington!  Do I think that rain was just for us… yes.  I do.  Quite frankly.  If you think that makes me nuts then oh well.  I think God saw how upset it made us and I think that HE was hurting with us, because I believe in a God who is compassionate.  I think of my God as my Father and I know that my mom and dad were upset by the news, always trying to show us the good in things, yet still upset and why would God my Father not be?

As always I look at this and think.  It could ALWAYS be worse.  I could have lost EVERYTHING, and still lost my child like the amazing Freeman Family.  But I sit here and look out my back door and although the sun is shining the sky is hazy and gray.  That’s kind of how it feels in my heart and head right now.  Yet my child is playing in the next room, arguing with

Last night has taught a few things though.  Last night as Troy and I were both visibly upset, Owen is catching on to these things now.  Luckily the two little ones are still oblivious but there is not much to be hidden from Owen anymore.  Owen went and got some quarters out of his allowance baggie and gave them to me and Troy.  That is the stuff that breaks your heart… rips it into tiny little pieces and stomps it to bits.  Here we are struggling to keep our family afloat financially and Owen is willing to give up his allowance.

After the whole incident was said and done, Owen crawled up in Troy’s lap and said “I think we need to pray”.  So here we both are, big messes of tears for so many reason, unable to speak and our 6 year old is praying.  ( A good prayer too I might add!)  He even gathered up Ky and Ross and we had a big family circle with Owen leading prayer.  6 months ago that would never have happened in this house.  What an amazing miracle we have had.  It reminds me of Isaiah 61.  Somehow the Lord continues to bring me back to this scripture.  Each time something bad happens this year He continues to remind that THIS is the Year of His Favor for us.  It may not feel like it but it IS.

Isaiah 61

¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, ^[a]

² to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.

⁵ Aliens will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.

⁶ And you will be called priests of the LORD,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.

⁷ Instead of their shame
my people will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
they will rejoice in their inheritance;
and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,
and everlasting joy will be theirs.

⁸ “For I, the LORD, love justice;
I hate robbery and iniquity.
In my faithfulness I will reward them
and make an everlasting covenant with them.

⁹ Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the LORD has blessed.”

¹⁰ I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

¹¹ For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise
spring up before all nations.

And of course I have a song to go with it!  Remember the old Crystal Lewis song circa early 90′s?  “Beauty for Ashes”.

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs heavy oer your head
Know that tomorrow brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When what you’ve done keeps you from moving on
When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart
Know that forgiveness brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound Ive been set free
I’ve been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

I have changed the first song in the music player (which is now located in the footer… in case you have been looking for it!) … If you are having a no good, rotten awful, very bad day… I hope that you will listen along with me to this song.

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