I have to say that my biggest fear in life has always been failure. I am always afraid that I am going to let someone down so I hold myself to these standards that are impossible to achieve. I am a hopeless perfectionist. I want things to be perfect but the sad fact is that the entire human race IS a failure. Every person fails. No one is perfect and all of us, at some point in our life will fail.
We could spend all our lives in the “coulda, shoulda, woulda….” land. I will be the first to admit that I am BAD about having a knee jerk reaction about issues in my life. You see this wall of adversity and think there is NO WAY … how on EARTH? And then I panic. Panic turns to fear and fear to panic and its a vicious cycle. Then it seems to explode from my mouth without thought or discipline and BAM there it is. I get frustrated and upset and I just let it go. And it is then that I hear God calling to me… “BE STILL”… for me God probably needs to change that to be “BE QUIET”…
I was listening (to yet another!) a sermon online the other day and the pastor was talking about Psalm 91. What a POWERFUL chapter of the Bible. I mean REALLY is that not a battle cry? My favorite verses are:
Psalm 91:9
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
Yeah okay so that means you are UN-Godly if things come your way?? NO. See you have to read ON in that book…
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
You see God never said that he would REMOVE the lion and cobra from our lives. He never said that he was going to give us a “yellow brick road”. He DID however promise us that we would TREAD upon the lion and cobra when they came into our lives and that he would RESCUE us. For Him to promise that He would rescue us that must mean that we were in some kind of peril does it not? Because THAT is how testimonies are built.
My mother used to tell me to be CAREFUL what you pray for because rarely does God just hand over what you want on a silver platter, but He WILL give you the opportunity to LEARN or to ACHIEVE what you have asked. But we have to be CAREFUL to thank God for those opportunities. To praise Him in the STORM because that is when He does His best work. During the storms of our life is when God shows up and “shows off” (my mama is a funny lady… saying that out loud makes me smile because that is what she says all the time!)…. because if you were not in a pit God couldn’t deliver you from it. If you were not SICK He couldn’t miraculously heal you. If you were not in financial straights He couldn’t work a MIRACLE. Because God shows up in our time of NEED. I think we try for too long in ourselves to “make it”. We struggle and fight and kick and scream when all we really need to do is say “Daddy God… I NEED you… I NEEEEEEEEED you to take care of this…. I NEEEEEEED you right now to work a miracle and to REMOVE this obstacle in my life….. I NEEEEEED you to allow me to overcome this and show me HOW and NOW”.
If there is one thing I have learned in the very recent past is that you have to be specific with God. I kind of think that God has a sense of humor… maybe not such a good one either (or shall I say one that doesn’t line up with my own). Like if you ask for a raise and you get one but then your health insurance doubles and you end up not getting a raise at all. Or if you ask for a NEW car and you get it but its not “new” just NEW to you. Or if you ask for wealth and he blesses you with 20 children… would you not argue that you are RICH? See… sometimes I think we don’t even KNOW what we need. Sometimes I think the best prayers are those that come with no specifics. The simple prayer of “Father God… I NEED YOU…” that is all. Because truth be told… that is all we REALLY need in life. If HE is there them WHOM shall we fear? No one and nothing.
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Amen. Well said. I think about not having a spirit of fear often. It’s a struggle.
or if you are like me you lay out the fleece.
God, I really need you to show me that this is the path I’m really supposed to be on because, quite honestly, I am NOT feeling it. Like, if you really and truly do mean for Sarah to be our next daughter, put something like “she likes to dance” that is so random in our update and something that I like. You know Katie had “she love music and singing” and IF Sarah is meant to be, put in something like that…you know…like “she likes to dance.”
What was in our update? What was mentioned IN THE VIDEO? Sarah likes to dance. Well, she can dance, she just doesn’t choose to right now. That second part? that was God going above and beyond for us there. That’s a true description of everyone in our family.
I have COUNTLESS moments of this happening.
oh….just a hint, don’t ever pray for patience.
God doesn’t GIVE you patience, which is what you really need, He gives you the opportunity to LEARN patience. ‘nough said about that.
I have been praying for a year for the hate and cruelty to come to an end. I didn’t cause the problem between the two of you. You had been in a similar situation before and got in it again. I am Troy’s mother but he is a man now, and being 27 at the time, married with three children, he did not need his mother to tell him what to do. By the way, I talked to him a few months before everything came out. Dad talked to him when he was at our house, and neither one of us made a difference. So, we had tried, but he made his own decision about what to do. We were in a no win situation either way and we were put there by you. But, this is not about any of us. It is about our grandchildren. They should not be withheld from us as punishment.
Desperate times call for desperate means. I am writing this on the blog since neither of you can actually speak to us even on the phone, and Troy said that he erases a voice mail before listening to it because he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say, or even bring yourselves to come to our house to talk. Meeting at McDonald’s to see our grandchildren because you don’t trust us, is really sad. Troy, I am sorry you don’t trust me not to ask Owen what has been said to him. I wouldn’t do that to him. We even came to keep the kids when you called last November when Am had to go to the hospital even though Am had already decided that we weren’t to see them-you did tell me that Amber decided where the children went and that she always did. Owen told Pa that night that he wasn’t supposed to be in that house, and he had even told me not sit so close to him. (I wouldn’t have to ask Owen anything because he had already shown us that a lot had been said in front of him.) If you can not even speak to either of us, how on earth can we even begin to make things better? Since you can not even speak to us, does that mean if we get to see them, that you still won’t speak to us? A year is a long time, Troy, to harbor all those evil feelings. I believe that God teaches that the man is the head of the household and that people are to forgive. Troy, you cancelled our “meeting” with the kids, but I could still have been there. Owen still has not gotten his birthday gift from us. By the way, your sister ( oh, friends of theirs, Sabrina has Down Syndrome and has worshipped her brother from day one)-anyway, she is hurt that you didn’t acknowledge her birthday which was 2 days before Owen’s. Bri’s practice was for a group rhythmic gymnastics team she is on that gave an exhibition at the Muhammed Ali Center in Louisville, which was very important to her. I did not know about it at the time that you told us when we could come watch the kids play at McDonald’s. That is why they couldn’t be there. When your Mom called us, Amber, she said that your friends had called you wanting to know what was wrong with your mother-in-law. Okay, people—this is waht is wrong with me: we are not being allowed to see our grandchildren because I didn’t tell Troy to go home, but he was a 27 year old grown man with 3 children, and it was none of my business, just like nothing else they decided was my business the last 9 years. We DID “support” Troy then and both of you in anything you did for the last 9 years. That IS what parents do. I know this is probably making you angry, but I don’t have any other way of contacting you since you erase any voice mail I leave without listening to it, answer my e-mails, return calls, or even come to our house to speak to us or get all your clothes or even the kids clothes. Nothing in our house contaminates things that I know of. You didn’t even contact me back when I told you I was going to have heart surgery. See you really did break my heart by doing all this.I needed to see the kids before the surgery because you never know what might happen, but you never returned my call after I saw the cardiologist to even see when I was going in the hospital. The possibility of a heart/lung transplant was mentioned by the doctor and I was really scared. I am disappointed that you all didn’t care. Some may say that leaving a comment could make things worse, but I don’t see how anything in this world is worse than not being able to see your grandchildren!!!! Anyway, we love you and really want to be able to see the kids. We have lost a year that cannot be replaced – EVER. This is really hard on me and puts a lot of stress on me which I am not supposed to have, in addition to your Dad losing his job after 28 years when the plant was sold to a business out of state. He is under a lot of stress and still has not found a job. Your Dad needs you now, Troy—can’t you be there for him? He has always been there for you.
Sounds like Meha and Pa need some professional help!