This may be the 20th time I have written that title.  Maybe it needs its own category.  LOL  At any rate tomorrow is coming fast and I have been waiting for this for more than a month.  At the same time I wish I had more time.  It an ominous feeling to know that tomorrow you will walk into the office of someone who could change your life forever.  Someone who quite literally may hold your LIFE in his hands.

Tomorrow we will meet Dr. Edward Benzel at the Cleveland Clinic.  I truly wish that we could get to the Chiari Institute in New York but at this point it is out of our reach.  We are hoping that our insurance will pay for some of the costs if I were to have surgery in Cleveland because they do accept Anthem.  Whether Dr. Benzel is out of network or not I don’t know.  Its a better shot than TCI because I KNOW that they don’t take our insurance!  I cannot see any way that we would be able to pay for a $300,000 surgery out of pocket. But I digress.  This is not about what can’t or won’t happen its about what IS and WILL and CAN happen.

Tomorrow I hope to not only find a neurosurgeon but I hope to find a PLAN.  A plan that brings some HOPE and peace and relief (literally pain relief!).  I have been “not” thinking about this for the past week and honestly I was up in the air as to whether we needed to go or not but I really just feel like I am supposed to be there.  Whether it is to reassure me that I should stay here in KY with Bob or whether it is to find an expert in Dr. Benzel… I don’t know.  I just KNOW that I am supposed to go.  So I go.

Tomorrow please pray for traveling mercies for Troy and I.  Its almost a 7 hour drive one way and we will be booking it to get there by my 3 pm appt.  Pray that God would divinely intervene in this “case”.  That He would impart wisdom, expertise and compassion.  That God would clear the way for Dr. Benzel to have a stress free day.  I pray that God would make my case “interesting” and that Dr. Benzel would find particular interest in treating me.  That He would abundantly BLESS Dr. Benzel and his family, his patients, his staff and friends.  That God would place His hand of protection on me and that HIS will to “give me HOPE and a FUTURE” would be fulfilled.  I know I cannot pray for Dr. Benzel to be “it” but I can pray that he would be an instrumental part of this puzzle that is my brain.  That he would be able to provide us with insight and MOST of all a TREATMENT plan.  I need a plan.  It’s kind of my thing….  Mostly I just need to FEEL better.  I need to BE HERE for my kids for the next 60+ years and I NEED someone to care for me as a person and as a patient.

Tomorrow will be here before I know it.  There is a lot to do, bags to pack, documentation to create, meds to take… so I am off to do all the good stuff I do at night and I will rest peacefully tonight knowing that WHATEVER the outcome of tomorrow… I AM being HELD by the ONE who will never leave or forsake me.

Tomorrow please join me in prayer.

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