We all do it. We hide. Hide from problems and confrontations in life. We make things out to be a bigger deal than they have to be. We stress ourselves out worrying about things that may or may not even be. We hide from so many thing. We hide from sadness, anger, weakness. We put a big smile on our faces and walk around. When people ask “how are you?” you smile, cordially say “Good and you?” and move on. We are programmed to do this…. but why? THEN if there is something we cannot hide from, we AVOID. We drive the other way to avoid “that place” that hold such horrible memories, we go to different stores to avoid mean cashiers, we ignore the ringing phone, we even close emails and say “I’ll return that one later”.

We hide from ourselves. We tell ourselves that we are strong and happy and not hurting when really we are. We tell ourselves that we are OKAY when we are not. We bring all of these obligatory feelings on ourselves. NO, you don’t HAVE to feel it necessary to do this for this person, and go here for this event. You don’t really even have to WORRY about what will be said if you don’t.

The ONLY person in the world that you cannot hide from is the ONE person we run from the most sometimes. Yep… God. Why we run from him I don’t know because of all the people in life who will criticize how clean your house is at your party or whether you were present at this event, GOD, could care less yet we spend so much of our lives asking HIM to wait until later to try and satisfy the obligations to so many who really don’t matter. To satisfy these insane lofty goals that we place on ourselves! Sigh………… and yet in the middle of our 4th trip to Target to get the flour you ran out of you hear Him…. “don’t leave that buggy in the parking lot”. “Hold that door for the little old lady who is struggling under 6 packages” “Be a little kinder and use your HORN a little less when you drive.”

Now, you may think I am crazy but the above statements are all conversations I have had with God in the past three days. I set out on my way home from Target and I said… tonight, I am too tired and too “down” to deal with Clays Mill Road (for a multiple MANY reasons… I hate that road… not to mention that they keep tearing it up and there are potholes and patches everywhere…). BUT Clays Mill Road is the main artery for me to get back home from Target or Meijer… so WHY on earth would I drive all the way 3 blocks out of my way to get home? To AVOID having to “deal” with all the crap. To avoid that pit of my stomach, hold back the vomit FEELING I get when I start to see that park on the right. Because I didn’t want to DEAL with it. I wanted to hide.

I had determined not to go down that road and had the alternate plan in my head. I packed my bags into the car, got in, turned on the radio and headed out… down Reynolds I went, around the roundabout and by that time I was singing along to this song: (How man Kings? by Downhere)

How many gods have poured out their hearts to ROMANCE a world that’s torn all apart?

I totally lost it sitting at the light at Keithshire and Clays Mill. Balling, heaving tears. It was as if God was asking me… HOW MANY other people would do for you what “I” have done? And yet you would rather HIDE from this than to TRUST ME and lean on ME. How could I? How dare me. I sat there in disbelief that after EVERYTHING that I have been through with MY God that I would STILL find myself avoiding, hiding. Have I ever known Him to NOT see me through? Has HE ever failed to provide just what I needed? Has HE ever left me? Never has… never will. As I looked up from my tears the light turned green and the song on the radio changed. I realized something in that minute.

We seek HELP from so many different sources. We look to our friends and family to shoulder our burdens with us. We look to our church families to help carry us. We look to our spouses to pick us up when we can no longer walk on. Yet the ONLY person we NEED to seek help from in life… is God and so many times HE is the last one we look to. It seems that sometimes we only REMEMBER to ask him for help when there is some catastrophic event happening before us. We have no problem calling on God when a family member is dying or an accident has occurred… and those times, as we should, we cry out. But we NEED Him, we NEED our Heavenly Father’s love, grace and companionship every single day. We NEED to seek him for everything in our lives… good and bad!. I found myself thinking of this when I was standing in the aisle of Target. That ONE toy that Ross asked for had been out of stock all week… (I had to get it at Target because it was a deal… long story but after coupons it took a $75 toy down to $9.99!!!!!) and finally my eyes graced the boys of that toy. I instantly took out my phone and called Troy to tell him. No answer. No worries, he was working on the drywall I am sure he didn’t hear the phone. So I called my mom… no answer. My dad’s cell… sometimes they leave her phone when they are out together… no answer there either…. darnit its 7 pm… he is playing Santa somewhere. And then I thought… man I just want to tell SOMEONE! It was killing me. When all of the sudden I hear that still small voice that says… “Tell me”…. I was like… oh yeaaaaaaaaah!!! “hey God I cannot believe I found this, I have been looking everywhere and Ross is going to be so happy and I got my deal and all my coupons and this is the best night ever… I never thought I would find it.” His simple reply… “who do you think put that toy on that shelf?”………… silence……….. tears………… right there in the middle of aisle 7 of Target Toys section…. HE was the one who made this seemingly impossible thing happen and yet He was the last one that I wanted to tell. I felt very ashamed of myself.

Each day. I am learning what it means to have a PERSONAL relationship with my Heavenly Father. I know that some people may not understand what it is to “talk” to God … and I am not talking “Dear Heavenly Father we come to you today” prayer style talking. I mean talk. I mean TELL Him whats on your mind and in your heart. and then LISTEN.

The song that came on the radio next is my song inspiration of the day.
NeedtoBreathe – Washed by the Water.
“EVEN when the rain falls, EVEN when the flood starts rising
EVEN when the storm comes, I am WASHED by the water……
Even when the earth crumbles under my feet
Even when the ones I love turn around and crucify me.
I won’t EVER EVER let you down.
I won’t fall.
I won’t fall.
I won’t fall as long as YOU’RE around me.”

If I were to write the lyrics for my life they would look more like this:

“Even when the doctors don’t know

Even when your husband says I have go

Even when your friends disappear

Even when your mother doesn’t want to hear

Even when the rain falls

Even when the flood starts rising.

Even when the storm comes.

I am washed by the water.

This whole thought process brings my mind back to

Hebrews 10:

¹⁸And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin. ¹⁹Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, ²¹and since we have a great priest over the house of God, ²²let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. ²³Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. ²⁵Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Jesus paid the ultimate price and His body was made the ultimate sacrifice for ME. So that the veil could be torn and so that I could come directly to the FEET of God and yet we take that for granted. What a gift and price to take for granted. My prayer today is that I would know, every single day, that I can (and should) talk to my Heavenly Father at any time. I do truly believe that He would like to hear from us sometimes other than to just ask for something! So today… I challenge YOU… talk to Him. If you see something beautiful… tell Him. If you find something funny… tell Him. Go to HIM first and make a conscious effort to do so for a few days and see how your perspective starts to change quickly.

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