What made life so hard for me was that I was the person who was given lemons and I did NOT make lemonade.  I felt the insatiable need to make a beautiful lemon french pastry dessert!  (no pressure right?)  Yes… it was not enough to make it through… I needed to achieve, succeed and excel through it all.  I quickly found out that “perfection” is not possible in life.  I finally came to realize that sometimes, just existing through a tough situation, IS achieving and being successful!  Once I started to realize that, I was able to see my life for what it really is.

In the past year I have found myself in a place that has re-adjusted my priorities.  I no longer drive the brand new car.  I drive a van that is new enough, and strong enough, and nice enough.  After the end of this month, I will no longer live in the big house (I don’t say our house because this house is just that… a house… ), I will be living and raising my kids in the same house I was raised in and although it has weathered with time, I know that my children will learn the same valuable life lessons there that I did.  Is it in the best neighborhood in the best school district?  No.  But it is sufficient. I am still running the business that I love and although I have had to step back for a bit on the families end of it, the weddings are still very much alive.  I am doing about 1/2 the business I used to but it is ENOUGH.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says: ⁹But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

The thing that I am learning is that the true beauty of GRACE is that it is sufficient.  It is not always (but sometimes) abundant and overflowing, but it IS perfect and sufficient.  Learning to be joyful in the sufficiency is something that has been a long time coming for me.

This passage in 2 Corinthians is truly is a word to live by. I am realizing that in my effort to be so strong and successful, I left little place for GOD to show himself and His awesome power.  What was left for my Heavenly Father to help out with when I had it ALL under control… (HAH!  HAH!  I laugh at this now.)  It was only when my world was falling down, when my daughter was born disassembled, when my marriage was threatened, that I figured out that I don’t HAVE to be strong and successful and proud. I can just be. Be still. Be quiet. Be silent. Because when I am not busy trying to BE… HE becomes me.  Most of the time trying less, praying more, and allowing HIM to go before me… makes life a LOT easier.

Because I know me. I am a “yell”er, a fighter,a pusher, a doer, a strong willed, determined, ornery, crass, ill tempered, hot headed, overly emotional woman. I am all too often a lit fuse. I live on the edge of being completely burned out and on fire all at the same time and oftentimes even my LIT my fuse is way to short. I wish I could say I am all those beautiful things that the Beatitudes tell you to be but I am not.

Me. I am a sinner and this is my testimony.

A few things that I am but only through HIM:  I am saved by Grace. Washed by the blood. My cup is full and runs over. I walk until I cannot walk anymore and then HE carries me. I fail and He picks me up. I am quick to anger and HE calms my temper. The storms rage around me and HE walks on the waters. I am quick to act and fast to regret. He tells me “Be Still and know”…. I have these huge plans that are unattainable, He finishes what I started. In every way that I fail, He succeeds. I am weak (in body AND mind most days) and HE daily bears my burdens.  He heals, rescues and restores me.

Because you see, I pretty much suck as a person.  As a human being, I am probably not worth the poundage I bear on my frame (which is too much btw… lol).  But what I know that is somewhere in this mess of ME… is HIM.  And that is every part of me that is good and beautiful.  I can remember an old Amy Grant song that called Father’s Eyes.  I think that might have been my first experience with worship.  I can remember listening to that tape over and over and even at 8 or so years old that became my prayer.  To have MY FATHER’S EYES.  Since then my worship experience has come a long way but my priorities have remained much the same.  I want to SEE the good in things when there is none around.  I want to be loving and compassionate even when it hurts ME.  I think I prayed this for so many years that it became a part of me!  I trust too easily.  I get hurt too often.  Lying is NOT ever in my thought process.  I assume the best of everyone (until proven otherwise).  But somehow it is a fault and a gift at the same time.  At any rate.  I know me.  I know that I am ONLY the sum of the parts that my Father has given me..  I know I am NOTHING without Him and I can only pray that I would make Him proud.

(Fast forward to 1:35 on this to hit the beginning of the song)  Although I love that old Amy Grant song, my song inspiration for today is an old worship song circa the late 90’s from a little church called Brownsville.  (my Pensacola family is laughing right now… for those who don’t know WHAT Brownsville was … google it.  The Brownsville Father’s Day Outpouring, Pensacola Florida)  I can remember standing for hours in that sanctuary with people packed in as tight as they could longing to do nothing more than STAND in His presence and pour out their hearts to Him.  This song is the song that I heard the very first time that I physically FELT my Heavenly Father wrap His warm, loving arms around me.  Our family was in an upset that I felt like I had caused and my heart just longed to be held.  All of the sudden there was this rush of warm around me and I knew… i was being HELD by the arms of the ONE who would never let me go.  I know there have been many variations of the song but this one to me, is the cry of my heart today…

• I am standing beneath Your wings and I am resting in Your shelter.
• Your great faithfulness has been my shield and it makes me want to say.
• Blessed be the name of the Lord.
• Blessed be the name of the Lord.
• I will bless Your holy name, for all my days. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
• I sing praises to Your name oh Lord for You daily bear my burdens.
• Your great faithfulness has been my shield and it makes me want to say:
• Blessed be the name of the Lord.
• Blessed be the name of the Lord.
• I will bless your Holy Name for all my days.
• Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Recent Comments:

• Dawn isaac says I was just diagnosed with chiari and live in louisville. I have not found a nuerosurgeon or a neurologist to [more]
• varundbest says I always visit your blog and retrieve everything you post here but I never commented but today when I saw [more]
• Lorenzo Sternisha says Lots of Fantastic information in your posting, I bookmarked your blog so I can visit again in the future, All [more]
• Tricia says Learning to be joyful in the sufficiency is a great place to be, rather painful at times, but still wonderful. [more]
• Carla says email me the amount you don’t want to go over on DVDs our HUGE consignment sale is next week, and [more]

• December 16, 2009 -- What faith has done.
• December 14, 2009 -- Hide and Seek
• November 12, 2009 -- For God has NOT given us a spirit of fear…
• November 11, 2009 -- It can’t end this way….
• November 10, 2009 -- Heroes and Villains

I posted this on my facebook and for the sake of saving my aching fingers I am copying and pasting most of it.  If you read it there… feel free to skip it here!

Yesterday was another “fun” day in Cincinnati. We had a day full of VCUG, Renal Scan, labs and appt with Dr. Alam. Here are the results of the testing and decisions made:

1) The reflux in her left kidney is persistent and NOT being positively affected by our extreme measures in cathing, meds etc. She WILL, without a doubt, need a ureter re-implantation within the next year or so.

2) Her bladder looks MUCH better than it used to meaning that the Gent. bladder irrigations are doing good work on it. Downside is that her bladder still holds nearly TWICE what a 4 year old’s bladder SHOULD hold. As a matter of fact, she nearly has the capacity of an adult. This is a double edged sword because it gives her the tendency to hang on to urine much longer than necessary and increases her risks for infection. BUT because it IS so big she also will likely NOT need a bladder AUGMENTATION unless other factors happen after her other urology surgeries. That is a huge THANK GOD, AMEN, HALLELUJAH!!!! Because augmentations are NOT nice surgeries.

3) Even WITH her big old bladder she still CONSTANTLY leaks urine meaning that her bladder neck needs tightening (surgery required for this also) and after that is completed she will LOSE the ability to void on her own … ever.

4) Which will require ANOTHER surgery – Mitrofanoff (tract made through the belly button for her to be able to cath from there instead of below).

5) Good news is that Alam can do all of these things in ONE SURGERY! We also have decided that it is HIGHLY likely that Kyleigh will get a MALONE while she is in the OR. Trying to put a malone in AFTER the grand scale of the urological surgeries is NOT a good idea so we will get the malone. Kyleigh is also proving to us that her bowels, intestines, GI system is going to stump everyone. Theoretically she should be able to eat, but she can’t, won’t doesn’t… She stays constipated and battling that is tiring and dangerous for her because she literally backs all the way up… If for some reason we don’t use the Malone (another surgical procedure that creates a pathway to allow for enemas without using the rectum) it can be removed relatively easily. It is likely that Dr. Levitt will end up installing this during the round of urology surgeries.

So… her surgery will be long and the recovery is TOUGH. Alam has told us to plan to LIVE IN CINCY for up to 4-6 weeks depending on Kyleigh’s healing. Kyleigh will be inpatient for a while and on TPN after surgery until the Malone and Mitrofanoff can be used.  This will still be problematic because Kyleigh will eat… especially when you tell her no!  She just doesn’t consume enough calories to sustain life.  This will not be easy for our family but we know that our upcoming move will make it a lot easier. We also are ALL in agreeance that Kyleigh will need this done within the next year or year and a half. We advocate having it done, and healed BEFORE she goes to school just because that will be BEST for her…. to have her new routine, know it well and NOT have to be pulled out of school for more surgery.

We are FINE even HAPPY about this because we have come to terms with the fact that Kyleigh will NEVER be naturally continent. We know this… we held out hope as long as we could and we now know that her body is going to do whatever it wants and what it wants is NOT to be continent… LOL. We want to do what is BEST for Kyleigh to grow up and have as normal a life as possible. We know that she will cath for the rest of her life, and we know that without these surgeries she will not be “dry”. We don’t want her to go through the emotional strain of that when we know that this is inevitable anyhow. So… we will see Alam again at the end of August / beginning of September, after wedding season calms down a bit, and we will schedule this surgery for October / November.

This will NOT be easy. It will likely be HARDER than the month we spent in the CICU because Kyleigh is OLDER and WISER and understands more now than then. Kyleigh will not be allowed to have anything by mouth for a long period of time and although we say she doesn’t eat… she is NOT orally averted. She LIKES to eat she just cannot consume enough calories each day to keep herself alive and healthy so we will be depriving her of food and we ALL know how fun that will be. It will not be like CICU when she was unconscious for weeks and all we had to do was watch the monitors and pray…

It is also likely that Troy will NOT be able to be in Cincy with me the entire time so I am trying to get myself “psyched” up to handle this on my own! Kyleigh can be a handful and very much reverts to being a “baby” when she is hospitalized.
I know the first question I will get from everyone is “What can we do?” -

Well we will be making a calendar of fun things to do and people to who will volunteer to make some time fun for the boys here at home.  We also are busy trying to collect a large number of DVD’s to keep Kyleigh entertained.  If you have ones that you would be willing to put on loan to us for a month (I promise I will Lysol the cases before I bring them back!) or you have extras of the girly movies like the Barbie series or Disney Classics (or Princesses especially) that you would be willing to sell cheaply… please let me know!  I am also looking for ANGELINA BALLERINA and Spongebob.  We were only in KCH for a FEW days in January and 4 DVD’s were just not enough!!!  I am looking at a few lots on Ebay but some of those are getting HIGH on the bids!  I have to wait for them to be CHEAP!  LOL

Another way to help is to help me think of activities and items for Kyleigh to play with while in the hospital.  After she is released we will be able to do things like the zoo and acquarium etc… but while she is inpatient we will have to have lots of fun things.  From previous hospital experiences I know that Ky loves:

STICKERS – these are doctor’s office and hospital reserved treats because at HOME they end up on the furniture and then I have to threaten people’s lives… it just doesn’t work out … LOL

PLAY DOH- At home this stuff gets left out on day 1 and then its all crusty after that.

COLORING BOOKS and MARKERS- Ky is not allowed to use markers at home without direct supervision… you can use your imagination to figure out why.  So when she GETS to use them in the hospital she thinks they are magical!

BOOKS- particularly anything pink… and princess… or Barbie.

TEA PARTY- We will take her Tea Set for all those days when she cannot eat.  Hopefully that will pacify the beast for a bit.

IPHONE games- Kyleigh has really gotten into a matching game and a puzzle game on my iphone.  I will likely put a handful more on there for her NEW before we go… you know the novelty of NEW things is always best!  So if you have suggestions let me know!

Any OTHER suggestions would be GREAT!!!  I know I will likely pack the entire house but hey.. a woman’s got to have options!

For our friends and family here… we will need your help and support in helping our boys to continue their lives normally. Ross and Owen will BOTH be in school and we do NOT want them to have to miss anymore life events or school for Kyleigh’s issues. Its not fair to them… so anyone who is willing to help out with our boys at home for a few hours one or two nights a week, that would be awesome! That way my parents can come to the hospital and relieve me or so Troy can come…. we know that this will be an undertaking by everyone but you know I believe one of the truest statements ever made was “It takes a village to raise a child”.
For our friends far away… I know that you all are SO willing to help because most of you have BEEN where we are going be it with urology, PSARP, or other surgeries. What can you do? PRAY! Call… write… keep me entertained while I am cooped up in the hospital room! LOL If you are going to be in cincy (once we know our dates) feel free to stop by and say hi!!!

Most of all we are asking that everyone join in with us NOW in praying that the PERFECT path be paved toward this surgery. We ask that you would pray for peace for our families and for strength for Troy and I. Pray that Kyleigh’s body would be perfectly prepared for the upcoming trauma and that God would speed the healing process.

Just as we always ask during surgeries we ask that you pray for our medical professionals. Pray for Drs. Alam and Levitt ( and ANY of their staff ) that their lives would be BLESSED. That their families would be BLESSED. That their paths would be made straight and that any stresses in their lives would begin to absolve themselves. Pray that their minds would be clear, that their purpose and intentions would be upright, that they would receive clarity and WISDOM beyond measure to handle ANY surgery, complications etc. that may arise. Pray that they would understand Kyleigh’s issues with pain management. Pray most of all that their hearts and ears would be OPEN to HEAR from us as parents when we tell them things that we “know” because there are times when I cannot REASONABLY explain how I know things… other than divine knowledge… but I do. I know Kyleigh and God has given me a gift to be able to be so in tune with her.. but it doesn’t do much good if it falls on deaf ears…

Start praying now and I know that our journey toward this will be smooth.Recent Comments:

• Dawn isaac says I was just diagnosed with chiari and live in louisville. I have not found a nuerosurgeon or a neurologist to [more]
• varundbest says I always visit your blog and retrieve everything you post here but I never commented but today when I saw [more]
• Lorenzo Sternisha says Lots of Fantastic information in your posting, I bookmarked your blog so I can visit again in the future, All [more]
• Tricia says Learning to be joyful in the sufficiency is a great place to be, rather painful at times, but still wonderful. [more]
• Carla says email me the amount you don’t want to go over on DVDs our HUGE consignment sale is next week, and [more]

• December 15, 2009 -- One Day closer…
• October 26, 2009 -- Do not be anxious about anything…
• January 12, 2010 -- Coming Home!
• November 22, 2009 -- Making Peace…
• November 17, 2009 -- Tomorrow is yesterday and now today is here.

Well lets see…

1) Had Ross’ Birthday Party at Kid’s Place (his favorite but he requests the GYM next time…)  It was (big surprise here…!!) Spongebob themed!  I was PLEASANTLY surprised when I picked up the Cake from Dairy Queen… I mean is it rockin or what?  The cupcake from Sam’s Club… not so much… I was sorely unimpressed.  (But more about that later… there is another post coming with tons of pics and VIDEO from his birthday!)

(I mean is that cake rockin or what????)

(Long after the last guest was gone… there was no bedtime for Ross… clearly!)

Ross’ one birthday request: “1 thousand million balloons…”  (er… more like 50… but it sufficed….LOL)

Then we sold our house…. errrrrrr.. backup.. we got TWO … count them TWO contract on the house and two waiting in the wings… we shall just say that the deal is STILL not done yet.

(Please pray that this is over soon… we just need the house gone, sold, done, get the money and move on!)

Then we traveled to Cincinnati… OIY.  I have to say that Urology is the LEAST favorite specialty that we deal with with Kyleigh.  Its not the doctor (nope… Alam I would bash you for other things but not for the fact that you ARE a Uro…) or the hospital (well this time it might have been a little about the hospital… Cincy Children’s is going downhill fast!) but just about the fact that Kyleigh is SO incredibly complicated!  No one really has any clue what to do with her.  And its hard to make these LIFE changing decisions FOR her when she is so young.  We are now being forced to decide on things that are IRREVERSIBLE and that scares the pants off of us.  At least until now its been “do or die” and then there is no thought… you just do it and worry later.  Now… we are in a very different position.  Sigh.  We got, possibly the BEST day of January 2010 to drive to Cincy in… it was AWESOME!  (Thank you Lord!) But the whole trip was very stressful and leads us down the path of our lives being, AGAIN altered dramatically in the near future.  (ONce again… a full post on this is coming soon!)

(Kyleigh accomplished her goal for the day… a bag of Doritos and a good nap!… She earned those Doritos… the Urology testing is VERY invasive and NOT nice for even an adult, let alone a child who is hard to explain things to!!!!  So yes, my child gets whatever she wants on Uro day…. call her spoiled… I call her miracle.)

So then we started moving things around in Mom and Dad’s house to get prepared for our move.  Timing is going to be tough with this Sale dragging on but we know that it will work out just according to the PERFECT plan.  I have to trust that.  SO… we sold a couch…

And then we sold another couch… my mother is doing AMAZINGLY well downsizing… she gets MAJOR props from me.  I don’t know that I will do as well when I have to start saying goodbye to this “stuff” that we have worked so hard for.  BUT… it is just that… stuff.  There is new stuff around every corner!!!

The we sold another couch… the Dog was free.  TOTALLY joking.  That is my younger sister’s Chihuahua who lives with my parents now.  He is the meanest, cutest, orneriest, dog I have ever met.  He was born in a puppy mill in Pennsylvania and then ended up the BAIT dog in dog fights.  He has issues… big ones.  So he is a bit, shall we say, neurotic.  But he has made up with me.  I think he thinks I am Tara… but at any rate.. the dog stayed.. the couch went.

And then we BOUGHT a fridge off Craigslist because my parents are taking theirs…

And the next day found an AMAZING industrial style STAINLESS STEEL one for $100 more… so we SOLD this fridge and bought the other one!  LOL  And even got the microhood to go with the other one.  (My parents still live in the dark days of a real microwave on the counter!)

THEN the “Noreaster” as Troy called it… hit Lexington.  Dropping close to 6 inches of snow on TOP of ice.  It was fun.  Actually I have SEEN and DRIVEN in worse in my lifetime so it was kind of fun…except Troy got stuck in the snow… WHILE I had a client at my house… and everyone was calling me “911″…sheesh.  So my Dad rescued him… LOL.  Would have been kind of funny if I had not had to drive ALL the way back across town for the THIRD time that day.

And NO I was not taking pics while driving… Owen was!  LOL  (Photographer JR… was ALL over it!)

So… moving on.  I ended up with a TERRIBLE toothache on last Saturday from my Broken molar that had been that way for a while but just NO budget for Dentists.  (No Dental insurance either… Troy’s plan at work is only a discount insurance not a REAL one.) So I ended up a UK at the emergency clinic on Monday morning, which was actually fabulous!  They were very attentive and got my whole head numb!  I was thankful because they ended up deciding to pull the tooth and put in an implant.  Then the guy who tried first to pull it was a complete NEWB!  He just about broke my jaw (I am STILL feeling it… trust me) and then he shot some numbing stuff into my MUSCLE… yeah that was fun too.  But the tooth is out and I am not in pain anymore.  Now… on to an implant.

NO… there is no picture of me looking much like Alvin the Chipmunk… one does not exist and WILL not!

Which leads up to this weekend… just a LOT of work going on at Mom’s house.  Lots of reworking of space to make it work for us.  Very tiring work and we are ALL busting hump trying to get it done ASAP!  Mom and I spend all day, cleaning, selling on CL, organizing and downsizing (oh yeah and cooking, laundry and KIDS!) and the guys are busy doing plumbing, electrical, studs, etc.  We will begin drywall soon… OIY… ( I mean where’s a drywalling cousin when you need him??? LOL- uh hmmm Burt and Sybil… its definitely time for a trip back to KY!)

I am almost afraid to ask what this week brings but it will come at me, with or without my permission so I am ready.  Its going to be a long road for the next few months but we are looking forward to the PEACE that will come after the storm is done!  If you are out there and still praying… pray that God would work mightily and that we would be able to TRUST in HIS perfect timing no matter how hard that might be.

Recent Comments:

• Dawn isaac says I was just diagnosed with chiari and live in louisville. I have not found a nuerosurgeon or a neurologist to [more]
• varundbest says I always visit your blog and retrieve everything you post here but I never commented but today when I saw [more]
• Lorenzo Sternisha says Lots of Fantastic information in your posting, I bookmarked your blog so I can visit again in the future, All [more]
• Tricia says Learning to be joyful in the sufficiency is a great place to be, rather painful at times, but still wonderful. [more]
• Carla says email me the amount you don’t want to go over on DVDs our HUGE consignment sale is next week, and [more]

Random Posts

• January 25, 2009 -- Super Simple Loaded Potato Soup
• February 4, 2008 -- More puke……….
• November 8, 2006 -- So begins the battle.
• September 18, 2007 -- Been a While
• August 4, 2008 -- The Party….

But then, something happens in your life and you find yourself back where you started.  With your mom holding your head as you are sick from the shock, and sleeping in your bed because you just can’t be there alone, and being there every single minute for you.  And you think you get it.  You really do, until one day you are crying on the phone about all the horrible calls and financial straights and then they say it “Just move in with us”.

You are floored because your family is not the “huggy, kissy, say “I love you” all the time” type.  They didn’t profess their undying love every minute of every day of your life through sob stories of this that or the other, but they challenged you to be better.  They never told you “it’s okay” when it wasn’t and if you did something wrong they didn’t fail to chastise you.  At some point in your life you mistook that as them being harsh and maybe, at some points it was harsh, but it was all done in love.  And at that moment you realize it… these are parents, who would give up EVERYTHING for you and for your kids and do it with a JOYFUL heart.

Are you stunned yet?  Soon, we will move back in with my parents, and take over the house that they have worked all their lives to build.  We will invade the space that is inherently theirs and my children will fill their normally quiet walls with laughter, tears, screaming and all kinds of noise and my parents are HAPPY about it.  What kind of people are able to to so freely GIVE of themselves?  They may not have much in the way of monetary possessions but what they do have, they are willing to sacrifice, sell, and share with us.

(sorry… had to take a break to wipe my tears)

But then it gets better.  Your mom babysits your kids while you are gone to the doctor (for the 20th time) and she has to call you because she is SO tickled.  Ross has said something so adorable that she just HAD to tell you that minute and she realizes that she would give up ANYTHING to make sure she got those opportunities.  There is no amount of pride in her possessions or her house that would keep her from these little moments.

And then there is your Dad who seems to have this overwhelming sadness about him for a few days and you cannot figure out why.  Finally he manages to tell your mom that he is sad for YOU.  Not for himself because he is giving up his house but FOR YOU, because you have worked SO hard for this… life… house… studio and watching it all slip away pains him.  Because no matter what he is SO PROUD of you not for what you have done or earned but for WHO you are.  Proud that you are NOT too proud to move back in for the sake of your kids.  Proud that you would trust them (your parents) to be such a huge part of your life.

And you realize… you love these people more than you have word to tell.  You wish you could give them the world but you can’t because at this point you are doing all you can just to keep a roof over your kids’ head.  You realize just how privileged you are to have such loving parents who would sacrifice all this for YOU and you begin to fathom again the love of Christ.  The love that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things… and NEVER FAILS.  That’s when you know that everything will be just fine.  You stop worrying and you start to get excited about all the ways in which your life is about to change.  You stop mourning your “stuff” and start rejoicing in the people who make your life what it is and you realize… your priorities are finally right where they should be.  Then you know, that these people who raised you, did a good job.  They instilled this same love in you and you know, without a doubt, that you love your kids to the end of the earth and back and that you would do anything for them.  You remember all the long nights in the hospital rooms and all the bills you had to pay on a credit card.  You remember living out of your car because you didn’t have the money to stay in a hotel while your child was in ICU.  You remember the loads of $900 a month formula and how it changed her life.  You remember all the ways in which this load of debt piled up on you and you realize that it was all worth it.  Selling your house… worth it.  Debt collectors calling… worth it.  Stress beyond measure… worth it.  Because you look over and there she is in her Cinderella dress with her feeding pump backpack on and she is playing with the Spongebob toys from Ross’ cake (which he deemed the best birthday ever) and you know… you did it for her… for them … for US and it wasn’t all that hard.  But you know also that your parents made the SAME sacrifice and you think of how great their love is and you are humbled beyond measure.

I am blessed.  We are blessed.Recent Comments:

• Dawn isaac says I was just diagnosed with chiari and live in louisville. I have not found a nuerosurgeon or a neurologist to [more]
• varundbest says I always visit your blog and retrieve everything you post here but I never commented but today when I saw [more]
• Lorenzo Sternisha says Lots of Fantastic information in your posting, I bookmarked your blog so I can visit again in the future, All [more]
• Tricia says Learning to be joyful in the sufficiency is a great place to be, rather painful at times, but still wonderful. [more]
• Carla says email me the amount you don’t want to go over on DVDs our HUGE consignment sale is next week, and [more]

• November 11, 2009 -- It can’t end this way….
• February 4, 2010 -- FOR SALE!!! 1804 Hopemont Court
• December 5, 2009 -- Believe….
• November 22, 2009 -- Making Peace…
• November 12, 2009 -- For God has NOT given us a spirit of fear…

Its official!  The house is on the market as of Monday.  Troy Todd, our fabulous Realtor, came and put the sign in the yard and I thought that it would be an emotional time but truthfully I am REALLY excited about the new ventures and possibilities in our life!  I know there will be many questions swirling throughout friends and family and I would just like to clear the air on some things:

So… where are we going once the house sells? We are moving in with my parents.  My parents are converting their garage into a garden home in the spring and for the time being their basement is being finished out into an apartment (we had done this once before but NOT like this time!  This time we are going drywall, recessed lighting, kitchen and all!)  We are hoping that timing coincides to be able to finish their home before we move in but it looks like God may have other plans…..

Why are we moving? Ah that is such a deep question.  For a variety of reasons but mostly because three years of stress on our finances, compounded by a deathly ill child, an affair, and a major remodel of the house has led our finances into a mess that will be hard to dig our way out of.  Every bit of “savings” that we have in the world went into renovating this house (and renovate we did! … pretty much everything from the studs up is new!) so we now find ourselves selling it to get our money back out of it.  We know though, that God is working out a way for us to be DEBT FREE, have a tiny bit of savings, and be rid of this house all at once!  Mostly though, we need help.  Having three kids is not easy for perfectly healthy families and we now have not one but TWO family members who are not well.  (Ky and myself.)  It is not fair to Troy to ask him to run a household, have a full time job, keep up the business (what little of it still exists) and take care of three kids full time.  Without this move, that is what the months after my surgery would entail for him because I will be nearly completely disabled.  I will not even be allowed to sit up straight for several weeks after the surgery.

Which brings us to “the surgery”. My neurosurgeon made it clear that he is going to try one more consult with a rheumatologist but after that I will have to stop putting off the surgery.  He told me to prepare to make peace with it so that at our next appointment (in 2 months) we would be ready to proceed with whatever path may need to happen.  I don’t know that I will ever be ready to decide on this but it will be a lot easier to proceed knowing that my kids are within walking distance of their school, there is someone at the house 24/7 and they will always have full bellies and a bath at night.

What made us decide to move in with my parents? They offered.  When I say offered.  They sincerely wanted to help and have decided to GIVE UP their bedroom, their house, their kitchen and everything so that our family unit can stay in tact and build something new for them.  I find myself in tears to know that my parents would be willing to make that kind of sacrifice.  This house, is the house that I grew up in.  My parents have owned this house for almost 26 years.  They have built everything in it… literally from the upstairs walls, roof, bathroom, to the kitchen cabinets.  Everything is the result of THEIR hard works, blood, sweat and tears.  For them to sacrifice that for ME and for my family… makes me know that I am the luckiest girl in the world!

Isn’t this house the “family” house? It may have been the place where Troy’s grandmother resided but it very much is OUR home.  This is the house we brought Kyleigh home from the hospital to, and the house that she nearly died in one day.  This is the house that we say a vision of, and made it come true with our own money and hard work.  This house was BOUGHT and paid for FROM the family so it truly does belong to us.  It is not something that was wholly “gifted” to us just as it was not “gifted” to Troy’s parents.  It was a part of an estate that was settled nearly 15 years ago now.  I would be more than happy to sell this house to any member of the family willing to buy it but for us… now… we must sell and for as close to asking (or more!  I am still believing for a bidding war!) so that we can pay off debt and move on with our lives. This house also holds a lot of BAD memories for us both and Troy has told me he has no idea how I have had the strength to stay here as long as I have.  Well… its not me, God has given me strength and grace to see this whole process through until now and HE will continue to be the WAY MAKER in all of our paths.

Will we buy a new house some day? Maybe… maybe not.  I have always wanted a family “compound” if you will.  It would be my ultimate dream to have us, the grandparents, my kids, their kids, and hopefully generations to come, all reside on one piece of property.  There is something so beautiful about a family being so close to their roots and having my kids hear stories about my grandfather (my dad’s dad) in the navy and about my grandmother’s “little house in the country”… I truly wish that Troy was able to tell our kids about his family but sadly he doesn’t know a lot about them.  It was something that was evidently never discussed in his family.  (I am sure that statement will piss someone off but I am done with it at this point.)  Maybe some research in the future will take care of that.  I want to sit down with scrapbooks of pictures of the great-grandparents and I want them to eat Sunday dinner with the great-grandparents who are still alive.  I want them to be able to say things like “My Pap would roll over in his grave if he knew…” because then I will KNOW that my kids really KNEW their grandparents and not just some “image” of what a grandparent should be.

Troy and I were working in the garage the other night.  Troy was trying to cut something on his chop saw and he looked at me and said “As Teddy Teater would say… this blade is as dull as my life”… I laughed and cried at the same time because it really hits me in the heart to know that my dad and Troy have the kind of relationship that my dad and my grandfather had (Pappy)…  because having a truly respectful relationship with your in laws is what is BEST for your kids.  That can’t always happen, as I am finding out, but when it CAN… its a beautiful thing.

Because like the Allstate commercial says…. I have realized that the size of my television is LESS important that the number of people gathered around it.  I want my kids to have such a rich sense of heritage that they KNOW and love all of these things.  I want them to crave this for their own families in the future.  I want them to always come home for Christmas because that is JUST WHAT YOU DO in our family.  If you NEVER tell your kids these things, they will never know.  Maybe its the fact that I have had to come to grips with the brevity of life, but I have become a person who wastes not ONE chance to tell my kids how much I love them.  I have and will continue to do EVERYTHING in my power to make their life “rich” and that is more meaningful than any CREDIT SCORE or bank account balance.  Because I know the MEASURE OF A MAN is NOT how tall he stands, how WEALTHY or INTELLIGENT he is..

So if you are still out there and haven’t ditched me after my LONG hiatuses… (lol) please join me in prayer.  God is already working a miracle!  We received an OFFER on our house the first day it was shown!  That offer is contingent and that makes us nervous.  We also, possible have 1-2 MORE offers in the fire that are trying to work out the details!!!!  God is good and He is working MIGHTILY in our lives right now.  I KNOW that after this is done we will stand and look back and KNOW that we are a people the Lord has blessed!  (Isaiah 61:9)!!!  (that also happens to be the scripture painted on my wall at the top of my stairs!)

My song inspiration of the day is: 4Him – Measure of a Man

This world can analize and size you up and throw you on the scales
They can I.Q. you and run you through
Their rigorous details
They can do their best to rate you
And they’ll place you on the charts
And then back it up with scientific smarts
But there’s more to what you’re worth
Than their human eyes can see
Oh, I say the measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand
How wealthy or intelligent you are
‘Cause I’ve found out the measure of a man
God knows and understands
For He looks inside to the bottom of your heart
And what’s in the heart defines
The measure of a man
Well, you can doubt your worth
And search for who you are
And where you stand
But God made you in His image
When He formed you in His hands
And He looks at you with mercy
And He sees you through His love
You’re His child and that will always be enough
For there’s more to what you’re worth
Than you could ever comprehend
Oh I say the measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand
How wealthy or intelligent you are
‘Cause I’ve found out the measure of a man
God knows and understands
For He looks inside
To the bottom of your heart
And what’s in the heart defines
The measure of a man
You can spend your life persuing physical perfection
There is so much more
More than ever meets the eye
For God looks through the surface
And He defines your worth by what is on the inside
I say the measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand
How wealthy or intelligent you are
‘Cause I’ve found out the measure of a man
God knows and understands
For He looks inside
To the bottom of your heart
And what’s in the heart defines
Oh, I say the measure of
The measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand,
How wealthy or intelligent you are
Oh, I’ve found the measure of a man
God knows and understands it
For He looks to the bottom of your heart
And what’s in the heart defines
Yeah, what’s in the heart defines
Yeah, what’s in the heart defines
The measure of a man
I know, I knowRecent Comments:

• Dawn isaac says I was just diagnosed with chiari and live in louisville. I have not found a nuerosurgeon or a neurologist to [more]
• varundbest says I always visit your blog and retrieve everything you post here but I never commented but today when I saw [more]
• Lorenzo Sternisha says Lots of Fantastic information in your posting, I bookmarked your blog so I can visit again in the future, All [more]
• Tricia says Learning to be joyful in the sufficiency is a great place to be, rather painful at times, but still wonderful. [more]
• Carla says email me the amount you don’t want to go over on DVDs our HUGE consignment sale is next week, and [more]

• December 16, 2009 -- What faith has done.
• May 10, 2009 -- Hold Fast – Mercy Me
• March 5, 2010 -- Priorities.
• February 5, 2010 -- A parent’s love…
• December 14, 2009 -- Hide and Seek

Yes, Ky is now sporting a bit of a pixie look.  I was honestly ready to cut her hair anyhow but she hastened the process when she took two huge CHUNKS out of it herself with the surgical scissors from her bedroom drawer…  Why? One might ask, does one keep surgical scissors in a 3 year old’s room.  Well lets see… there was the ostomy and then the broviac and then… you get the point.  The scissors are kept on a LOCKED shelf about 3 feet ABOVE her changing table so she was houdini to even get them in her hands!

I was pretty upset when I first saw the carnage.  I panicked for a minute and then decided we had to find some way to straighten it out!

At any rate I found a little style that I thought I could cut around the damage she did and I think it turned out pretty cute!!!  What do you think???

She was obviously devastated by the hair carnage… or not.

Recent Comments:

• Dawn isaac says I was just diagnosed with chiari and live in louisville. I have not found a nuerosurgeon or a neurologist to [more]
• varundbest says I always visit your blog and retrieve everything you post here but I never commented but today when I saw [more]
• Lorenzo Sternisha says Lots of Fantastic information in your posting, I bookmarked your blog so I can visit again in the future, All [more]
• Tricia says Learning to be joyful in the sufficiency is a great place to be, rather painful at times, but still wonderful. [more]
• Carla says email me the amount you don’t want to go over on DVDs our HUGE consignment sale is next week, and [more]

• February 23, 2010 -- So it begins, Kyleigh’s next medical journey.
• January 12, 2010 -- Coming Home!
• January 6, 2010 -- First SNOW!
• December 15, 2009 -- One Day closer…
• November 11, 2009 -- If only I were martha……..

This journey has led me to meet so many amazing people… in the blog world I have these “friend” who are truly strangers, yet your heart is drawn to people you have never met.  You don’t know why or how but you find yourself thinking of them, hoping with them, praying FOR them… and they become a blessing to you.  I know many of you have watched our life, in all its ups and downs, and have done the same for us.  I know that there are perfect strangers out there whom I do not even know your names who pray and bless us each day.

I would like to ask each of you to take a moment and pray for a few of our friends.  These are people whom God has really placed on my heart.

Eithene Rose is a darling little girl, who is just a few weeks younger than Kyleigh.  Her mom Jessica and I have been friends since we met online in an IA group.  Eithene and Kyleigh have seemed like soul sisters for so long and recently their family was given the news that Eithene does in fact have Mitochondrial disease.  I cannot imagine what a hard day it was for them because it was a day that downright SUCKED for me.  I sat in front of the computer sobbing.  I am crying right now.  Not that I don’t believe that God has them in His hands always but I look at Eithene and at Kyleigh and my heart hurts in ways I cannot begin to explain with words.

Whitney and her husband have been struggling with infertility.  On January 6 they found out that Whitney had miscarried.  Normally I skim through and its not that I am NOT sympathetic to infertility but its something hard for me to relate to.  But Whitney, it seems that every single post on her blog just rips my heart out.  Or makes my heart sing.  Why I am so attached to her, I don’t know but if you would find it in your heart to pray for her body to heal itself from this miscarriage and for God to dually bless her womb… I would be forever grateful.

The Sullivan Family – Sara (mom of this beautiful little group) was diagnosed with cancer while she was pregnant and went home less than a month after her beautiful baby girl was born on September 22, 2009.  Recently the autopsy concluded that it was NOT the cancer that claimed Sara’s life but a seizure which lead to cerebellar herniation (brainstem compression) which eventually made her body functions impossible.  This tears my heart into a million pieces … for all obvious reasons this scares the living daylights out of me…Now her husband, Brad, is raising their beautiful daughter Chloe by himself.  Please join me in praying for them!

There are so many more but today those are the three that my heart is really heavy for.  Also for the entire Nation of Haiti… I continue seeing news footage and I am glued to the television.. my heart is heavy for them also and praying that our country will be able to be a blessing to these people.  Seeing the PEACE on the streets as these people have NOTHING and nowhere to go yet spontaneous praise and worship services are breaking out.  What a testament to the power of faith.  I know that our Heavenly Father will not forsake that beautiful nation and will allow them to rebuild BETTER than they were before!Recent Comments:

• Dawn isaac says I was just diagnosed with chiari and live in louisville. I have not found a nuerosurgeon or a neurologist to [more]
• varundbest says I always visit your blog and retrieve everything you post here but I never commented but today when I saw [more]
• Lorenzo Sternisha says Lots of Fantastic information in your posting, I bookmarked your blog so I can visit again in the future, All [more]
• Tricia says Learning to be joyful in the sufficiency is a great place to be, rather painful at times, but still wonderful. [more]
• Carla says email me the amount you don’t want to go over on DVDs our HUGE consignment sale is next week, and [more]

• November 25, 2009 -- Do you believe in Miracles?
• November 7, 2009 -- Please pray for the Owens and Hilliard families.
• June 11, 2009 -- Say a quick prayer…

Get them while they last!

$1/1 Starkist Tuna Pouch- will make for FREE tuna on a Kroger 10/$10 sale!

$0.50/1 Pillsbury Sweet Rolls (doubles to a $1 here!)

$1/1 Cheerios Cereal (these big money ones are hard to find on a single box!)

$1/1 Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Trix, Cocoa Puffs or Lucky Charms

$1/1 Total Cereal (if you like that stuff!  LOL)

$2/2 Nabisco Crackers (this can be used on MANY different kinds of crackers!)

$1/1 Crackerfuls

$1.50 / 2 Kotex

** all of my links are FIREFOX compatible… if you are using IE… some links may not work**Recent Comments:

• Dawn isaac says I was just diagnosed with chiari and live in louisville. I have not found a nuerosurgeon or a neurologist to [more]
• varundbest says I always visit your blog and retrieve everything you post here but I never commented but today when I saw [more]
• Lorenzo Sternisha says Lots of Fantastic information in your posting, I bookmarked your blog so I can visit again in the future, All [more]
• Tricia says Learning to be joyful in the sufficiency is a great place to be, rather painful at times, but still wonderful. [more]
• Carla says email me the amount you don’t want to go over on DVDs our HUGE consignment sale is next week, and [more]

• January 3, 2010 -- January 3, 2010- RUN NOW and buy your coupons!
• November 15, 2009 -- Ten Commandments of Couponing!
• October 31, 2009 -- Carving and Couponing…
• October 27, 2009 -- Recession Payback… LOTS of great Coupons here!
• October 26, 2009 -- Do not be anxious about anything…

So by Saturday AM, Kyleigh wakes up puking her guts up, followed in suit by Ross, then Troy then me.  Luckily I really hadn’t eaten anything for a few days so there was not much there for me, but Troy was violently ill.  He said it was the closest he had ever come to calling 911.

By Saturday night it was apparent that Kyleigh was NOT going to make it through without intervention.  Even with pedialyte in her g-tube she was still dry as a bone and puking.  So, I did what I always do… called Joe.  Mom and Dad took Ky to the hospital and met Joe’s resident (whom he had already briefed on the situation) and I took off to Kroger to get the amazing, wonderful, awesome, beautiful ZOFRAN that Dr. Y called in for us!  Can I just tell you how incredibly thankful I am to have Drs on my speed dial?  I mean really God has BLESSED us with these doctors!

While I was gone, praying all the way that I could even MAKE IT, to Kroger and back, Troy was at home and he said good thing he had passed out because he might have had to call 911 otherwise.  Kyleigh was already gone with Mom and Dad, Owen was with me, and Ross was out cold after a day of being as sick as Troy… so we all took Zofran and went to bed!

I was able to get up Sunday morning and head to the hospital and felt much better.  I arrived just in time for rounds and Kyleigh already looked better!  Which, why wouldn’t she… I think Joe said that she had had 6 or 7 boluses of fluid by that time.  She was STILL barely peeing.  I, of course, was worried about the kidneys, and two hours later Kyleigh removed all doubt and FLOODED her bed, about 5 hours in a row!

All was well, Ky got to eat her B.R.A.T diet and Joe let us come home last night after she lost her IV.  Once again, thank God for him, one of his flock told our nurse that she needed to put the IV BACK IN!  I was like… hold the phone… I am calling Joe!  LOL

At any rate, it was another crazy weekend.  We are home now, Owen is back in school, Ky and Ross are downstairs playing, Troy is at work and I am here, doing what I do… blogging!  All is right with the world I guess!Recent Comments:

• Dawn isaac says I was just diagnosed with chiari and live in louisville. I have not found a nuerosurgeon or a neurologist to [more]
• varundbest says I always visit your blog and retrieve everything you post here but I never commented but today when I saw [more]
• Lorenzo Sternisha says Lots of Fantastic information in your posting, I bookmarked your blog so I can visit again in the future, All [more]
• Tricia says Learning to be joyful in the sufficiency is a great place to be, rather painful at times, but still wonderful. [more]
• Carla says email me the amount you don’t want to go over on DVDs our HUGE consignment sale is next week, and [more]

• August 28, 2009 -- Another few faves from Gulf Shores…
• October 31, 2009 -- Carving and Couponing…
• August 24, 2009 -- What the world needs is people who have come alive…
• January 6, 2010 -- First SNOW!
• November 22, 2009 -- Making Peace…

How do you FIND these deals?

While I like to think that I, in general, divinely inspired, my coupon deals (blessed as they may be) are not!  I most often repeat deals and scenarios that are found elsewhere.  I do, however, very often, recalculate the deals to fit our needs, but I still get the basis from elsewhere!

So… here’s my TOP TEN list of favorite blogs / sites to frequent to FIND THE DEALS!

#1 ) A Full Cup

#2 ) Money Saving Madness

#3 ) Bargain Briana

#4 ) Freebies for Mom

#5 ) Common Sense with Money

#6 ) The Krazy Coupon Lady (from Kansas City!)

#7 ) Cincinnati Cents

#8 ) Deal Seeking Mom

#9 ) Stretching a Buck

#10 ) I heart Wags

Recent Comments:

• Dawn isaac says I was just diagnosed with chiari and live in louisville. I have not found a nuerosurgeon or a neurologist to [more]
• varundbest says I always visit your blog and retrieve everything you post here but I never commented but today when I saw [more]
• Lorenzo Sternisha says Lots of Fantastic information in your posting, I bookmarked your blog so I can visit again in the future, All [more]
• Tricia says Learning to be joyful in the sufficiency is a great place to be, rather painful at times, but still wonderful. [more]
• Carla says email me the amount you don’t want to go over on DVDs our HUGE consignment sale is next week, and [more]

• November 15, 2009 -- Ten Commandments of Couponing!
• October 31, 2009 -- Carving and Couponing…
• January 5, 2010 -- New Year’s Resolution: ADD Magazines to your list of things NOT to pay for in the new year!
• December 30, 2009 -- Fabulous deal on Carter’s sleepers at Kohl’s
• December 29, 2009 -- Over the hills we go, stockpiling all the way!