Yes, I know that the mind wanders to the relationship with my husband and I.  Although it has previously been strained… we are good right now.  We are in a good place with a healthy amount of talking, loving, hugging, fighting, debating, forgiving, etc.  All those good things that marriage truly mean… yeah we are all those things now.  Which makes me happy and a bit more calm than before.  Is life perfect?  NOT!  Whose life is perfect?  And if your life IS perfect, I don’t want to know!  Seriously.  I am a little bitter.  I don’t want to know about your perfect house and perfect dog and perfect kid and perfect clothes… I don’t care.  (PS… that was not directed at anyone in particular… just the perfect people LOL)

At any rate I have been very torn about Kyleigh’s health.  She does wonderfully for a while and then she crashes and goes into all sorts of crazy things that make us ask questions we shouldn’t have to ask.  She has been on a good stint lately though.  We have been debating about how to handle her Urology needs for a while now.  We go to her doc and we just walk away feeling empty, confused, scared and frustrated.  There are NO OTHER docs that we see that make us feel this way.  Even with all the HARD things that we have had to hear from so many of our docs we still can only remember a handful of times when we felt this way.  We continue to go around about this doc and his place in our life and in our child’s and we just cannot, in good faith, see him being a major part of it much longer.  At some point we have to fight for her “life” sans daily medical madness…. KWIM?  Just some peace and normal… and shopping!  Yes… my daughter is a shopper and I love it!  I will shop til I drop with her.  It really is bad though.  So bad it’s good   I am just so glad that I get to take her to pick out princess dresses and new shoes and tutus and all that fun stuff!  I am glad that she has a fit in the middle of the store because I won’t buy her M&M’s and then by the time I get to the checkout I feel so bad about depriving her of the only calories she might want to consume that day that I buy them anyhow.  I try and make it into a lecture that makes it LOOK like I am in control but it’s pretty obvious that she rules the roost.  We own that… it’s okay!

So in this time of being still… I have been SOOO busy.  Not much “STILL”  has been happening here in our house as there is always a ton to do, but enough “busy”ness that my mind was still which I guess is the point.  Anyway… I laid down the torch on the medical end of things and just waited.  I had been looking into a few options for Urology and found some promising new procedures and perspectives and then it happened.  Yesterday I opened a piece of junk mail from UK just to see if there was a blurb about the Makenna David ER (obviously close to my heart) and there it was.  Or should I say HE was.

Dr. Ali Mahmoud Ziada.  I already have his name memorized!  He is the NEW pediatric Urologist at Kentucky Children’s.  Yes… so he may just be one of MANY specialists but we have been waiting a LONG time for this day.  4 years to be exact!  I am so proud of our little hospital and so glad to be a part of watching it grow and change.  I am also very relieved that we have new hope for a doc to man the trenches of Ky’s Urological health here in Kentucky.  I don’t anticipate that he will be the savior of my daughter’s bladder but I am truly hopeful that this will be the start of a long, healthy, beautifully communicating relationship with him.  I am very tired of looking for someone to trust.  I know that the docs she sees now are great, excellent even but how can I, in good faith, hand her over to someone that I just don’t feel RIGHT about?  I can’t.  That is the simple answer.  I knew that.  So we waited.

Our wait is over on August 31.  I feel a bit like I am “cheating” on the Cincy docs but oh well.  When it comes to your child… I cannot help what everyone else thinks or feels about them.  I can only do what I know is right and trust that I have someone bigger than ME in control!  August we will meet this new doc and I am so excited.  It always brings a bit of trepidation though… the “what if’s” seems to come barreling at you like flies splattering on your windshield… you don’t see them coming until they are already a mess on the window!  I am torn as to whether to try and track down all the medical records or whether I just want to let this person do their OWN evaluation and go from there.  It is time for her bi-annual VCUG etc so its not like I would be torturing her for no reason.  Who knows… so much excitement and fear at the same time… it’s all very scary yet familiar.Recent Comments:

• XXX says A tip to save some cash when enjoying movies it that instead of heading to the movies on a busy [more]
• daphne says I JUST LOVE YOU!!! You always amaze me. You’re wonder womman of another kind!! I know it’s hard to BE [more]
• Jen says We are currently going through a pregnancy possibly affected by VACTERL…having more tests run. Would like to discuss some [more]
• Jen says Hi Amber! It’s lunchablemommy – actually not on A full cup anymore, so I wanted to send you my [more]
• Tracy says Love it! That is something Maggie would do. She loves Disney Princess stuff too. LOL. [more]

• January 12, 2010 -- Coming Home!
• October 26, 2009 -- Do not be anxious about anything…
• February 23, 2010 -- So it begins, Kyleigh’s next medical journey.
• December 15, 2009 -- One Day closer…
• October 16, 2009 -- Two down…….. they’re dropping like flies!

I realized, finally, that feeling burnt out and maxed out was mostly, my OWN doing.  Sucks to say it but true just the same.

I need to take time to catch all my bloggy friends up on my world but until I have time for that insanely long post I will give you the short version:

March 20 (something…) we closed on our old and moved OUT!.  Signed sealed delivered… done!  We moved INto my parent’s home.  At this point… my parent’s new “apartment” is still months away from completion because we never anticipated the house selling that quickly (although we prayed and hoped it would be so).  So… here we are … one big happy family.  Most days.

April was a work month.  Work on this and that and more of this and that.  And work until you think you cannot work anymore and its STILL not done.  Feeling a bit hopeless and thinking there is no end in sight.  Oiy vey.

May.  My little sister is in a car accident and totals her boyfriend’s car.  Now I would be the first one to razz on my sister about her driving faux pa’s but this one… truly not her fault!  So she is minus 1 job and plus 1 wheelchair due to a surgery that took 18 pins an helluva long plate to put her ankle back together.  This means… yes folks… enter younger sister into house and boyfriend for most waking hours of the day.

June comes with its necessary sundries.  WEDDING season is upon us and to say I have not a minute to breathe is probably right.  But here I sit blogging… how is that?  LOL

So… now that you are caught up… (oh yeah and somewhere along the way.. enters one new Dog as anniversary present to my father from my mother… 6 month old Pomeranian puppy named Emerson… yup… called her an idiot!)

At any rate… my sister, sitting aound the house, able to do WAY more than she lets on and generally feeling sorry for herself was given a lecture about what “I” would do if “I” had all this time on my hands.  (I mean that is what big sisters are good for right?)  So it began…  “you know… I would love to have NOTHING to do all day except sit around, watch TV and be on the computer… if only I had SO much to do I would get myself a tan, catch up on reading, find something artsy to do…” oh the place my imagination went…..

At any rate… my sister… having done none of these things I would LOVE to have time to do.. susequently pissed me off.  So I decided.  I was going to read a magazine, on the back porch, in my bathing suit, in the sun, while my kids played in the pool.  So I did.

I read exactly 1/2 of all the articles in some random edition of Parent’s magazine and you know what.  I LIKED IT!  A LOT!  LOL  I could have sat down and delved into an installment of the latest Oprah book club recommendation but I would have gotten all of 10 pages into it, stained by chlorine water, and I am sure by that point I would have had to referee someone or make some meal or fulfill some other motherly duty but a magazine.  It’s a perfect fit!  How to tips to motivate, a little comedic escape about Potty Training by Jay Mahr and I solved my house cleaning conundrum all in the span of 45 minutes… wow.. now that is what I call a GOOD day!  I think I mght try it again tomorrow!Recent Comments:

• XXX says A tip to save some cash when enjoying movies it that instead of heading to the movies on a busy [more]
• daphne says I JUST LOVE YOU!!! You always amaze me. You’re wonder womman of another kind!! I know it’s hard to BE [more]
• Jen says We are currently going through a pregnancy possibly affected by VACTERL…having more tests run. Would like to discuss some [more]
• Jen says Hi Amber! It’s lunchablemommy – actually not on A full cup anymore, so I wanted to send you my [more]
• Tracy says Love it! That is something Maggie would do. She loves Disney Princess stuff too. LOL. [more]

• November 24, 2009 -- Be Still my heart… (er.. nose)
• August 26, 2010 -- Be Still…
• January 12, 2010 -- Coming Home!
• December 5, 2009 -- Believe….
• November 22, 2009 -- Making Peace…

I made this cute little banner to hang over our manger scene.  I saw it on Etsy and thought… I can make that!!!!!!!!  So I did   LOL  As it hangs in my living room it makes me smile.  I walk past it and it truly helps me to remember what it is that I believe.  (Want to WIN one of your own??  read to the end of the post to find out how!!)

I can honestly say that I have deep seeded beliefs.  My entire life has been molded and shaped mostly by my faith and by those who have taught me what SHOULD BE even if that isn’t necessarily what IS.  I know that people are affected by their life experiences but for me it seems that instead of being shaped by experiences in my life, I have been affirmed by them.  If that makes any sense…  I haven’t been changed by these experiences but I now cling to these things that I believe, even more tightly now because I KNOW that these things are true!  From the abundance blessings that have been given to me I know that I am a daughter of the MOST high King.

So today… I will let you in on a few things I believe:

I believe that God, is our Heavenly Father who seeks prosper us and not to harm us, to give us HOPE and a future.

I believe that Jesus, the Son of God, was sent to die on the cross for the atonement of our sins and to make a way through himself to the Father.

I believe that the Holy Spirit completes the Trinity.  I believe that the Holy Spirit is real and lives inside me every single day.  I know that this is true because I can feel that sweet tug and gentle guidance that the Spirit gives me in times of need or joy.

I believe that the Bible is not just reading material.  Its a real, living, inspired God breathed instruction manual for life.  I have read the Bible from cover to cover.  I believe that it important to KNOW the Bible in its entirety to be able to correctly interpret the sum of its parts.

I believe that we are to live according to the laws of Moses but in the FREEDOM of the Church of Acts and in the spirit of the Apostle Paul and the Corinthians.  When Jesus died the veil was TORN and therefore I am happy that we can live in a church that has the freedom to worship.

I believe that the world is a beautiful place, that humans are good whether they have gone awry or not.  I believe that everyone has the ABILITY to do good and choose the RIGHT over the WRONG.

I believe that there is a RIGHT and a WRONG and nothing in between.  There is no gray area.  There is no justification.  I choose not to be lukewarm because I would rather not be spewed from His mouth. (Revelation 3:16)

I believe in the Truth.  I believe that half truths are lies.  I believe that “thou shalt not lie” and I have a very guilty conscience which rarely allows for stretching the truth!  LOL

I believe that my life was divine instituted and the plan for it was conceived long before I was.

I believe that everyone has a purpose in life and once their divine purpose has been fulfilled their time on earth is finished.

I believe that there really is something to be being a “good” person.

I believe in random acts of kindness.

I believe that lots of things that happen to us in life are RARELY about “us” and more about who we are to BE to someone or what we are charged with doing to help someone else.

I believe that you are to choose the right no matter what the outcome.  It doesn’t matter what the bum on the street is going to do with that dollar bill, you are to provide it to him.  Whatever you do for the LEAST of these brothers… you have done for Christ.  (Matthew25:31-46)

I believe that there are miracles that happen around us each day.  We should take a little time everyday to be still and know that HE is God.  To SEE the wonder in the world that we live in.

I believe that you must STAND for SOMETHING or you will FALL for ANTYTHING.

I believe that Christmas is magical and that there is nothing more beautiful that the glow of a Christmas tree.

I believe that children can hear the heartbeat of God.

I believe that love never dies.  I believe that love bears ALL things, believes ALL things, HOPES all things, ENDURES all things.  I honestly believe that LOVE never fails.  It may get lost along the way but it will never fail.

I believe that the best smell on earth is warm baked cookies and the smell of my own pillow.

I believe that no matter how hard you try you will eventually fail at something in life but that should not stop you from trying.

I believe that no matter hard you fall you can ALWAYS get up and move on.  There is no “laying down to die”.

I believe that sometimes you have to help YOURSELF.  There is only so much that others can do for you.  Sometimes even Doctors need your help to be able to help you.

I believe that you should live like you were dying and enjoy every single moment and every single breath.

In the spirit of today’s post… I am offering a little giveaway… I handmade myself this bunting to go over our manger scene this year and I want to share this with YOU!  Leave a comment and tell me what it is that YOU believe and I will randomly choose a commenter to receive a copy of my “believe” banner to add to your holiday decor!  YAY!!!!!  Comments will close on Monday at noon.  I hope to ship this Monday afternoon so that you can get it ASAP!!!  So get those comments rolling and let me know what it is that YOU believe!

Recent Comments:

• XXX says A tip to save some cash when enjoying movies it that instead of heading to the movies on a busy [more]
• daphne says I JUST LOVE YOU!!! You always amaze me. You’re wonder womman of another kind!! I know it’s hard to BE [more]
• Jen says We are currently going through a pregnancy possibly affected by VACTERL…having more tests run. Would like to discuss some [more]
• Jen says Hi Amber! It’s lunchablemommy – actually not on A full cup anymore, so I wanted to send you my [more]
• Tracy says Love it! That is something Maggie would do. She loves Disney Princess stuff too. LOL. [more]

• November 24, 2009 -- Be Still my heart… (er.. nose)
• November 12, 2009 -- For God has NOT given us a spirit of fear…
• November 11, 2009 -- It can’t end this way….
• November 10, 2009 -- Heroes and Villains
• November 9, 2009 -- 7 weeks Till Christmas

I have been pondering what it is that God wants me to learn from these “trials” He has allowed in our lives.  I have realized that many times when you pray for something, instead of being handed, on a silver platter, the thing that you prayed for, you sometimes receive the “opportunity” to learn.  Often that can come in the form of some hardship or other trying incident in your life.

As my mother used to tell me “If you don’t learn your lesson the first time, you get to repeat it”.  I feel like I am repeating so many events in my life which means that I am not listening and learning.  I have made my fair share of mistakes and will continue to I am sure.  It is the human nature and condition to be imperfect but I will, through my Heavenly Father, one day be with Him in heaven regardless.

I am a very anxious person by nature.  I have issues with needing to keep things in order and under control.  I like to strive for “perfection” and often feel that I have failed when I do not live up to my own standards.  I know that God is trying to break that habit of mine but man is it rough when God tries to “get a hold of you”.

In the past 2 weeks we have had some “bad” which have each turned out for the “good”:

Owen brought home the “Influenza A”, which promptly infected Kyleigh.

Then the both of them turned up with a rash that looked eerily similar to the chicken pox but they have both had the vaccine and never itched for a minute.  (Megan said it didn’t look like chicken pox to her but it could very well have been as the chicken pox virus is morphing now that the shot exists).

I had to “have words” with Owen’s school about their lack of sanitizing and poor cleaning habits.

We had to haul all over town and take 2+ hours to even find and receive the compounded Tamiflu for Ky.  (lucky for us Owen learned to take a pill this month!)

Ross seemed “okay” until Friday night at 7 pm when he started screaming that his ears were hurting.  (Why is it that my children have the inability to get “sick” Monday through Friday 9-5?)

Then Saturday Kyleigh comes up with snotty nose, nasty green stuff, and goop coming from her eyes.

By Sunday Kyleigh’s temp was at 102.5 (101 with tylenol) and Ross was at 101 period.

Then Ross pukes all over our bedroom floor.  (Owen has luckily learned that he needs to head to the toilet or tub and FAST when the feeling hits!)

Today we go to Megan’s office (which is a complete madhouse… I felt like I was walking into the plague) and she says that both of the babies are bad off.  Double ear infections, upper respiratory and Kyleigh sounds really “wet and junky” inside.  Great….

Off to the pharmacy.  It was totally my fault because Megan asked me where to call in the scripts and with Ross there I neglected to have her call Ky’s into the clinic and ended up with it at Kroger.  Of COURSE they cannot compound it… that would be too easy.  So it was 4 frantic phone calls between Kroger, Megan’s office and Clinic Pharmacy to get it straightened out just 10 minutes before the pharmacy closed…

Now both babies are in our bed knocked out on sudafed, abx and tylenol.  Owen has been “off-sited” as I affectionately call it and was quarantined on the joint decision by Megan and us.  He will not return to school this week until both of his siblings are well.  We are just bouncing these illnesses back and forth and the hit to the immune systems came from the flu that he contracted at school.

BUT… where I was going with this IS… I am starting to SEE God’s everyday miracles.  I am trying to be STILL and watch how He is working and blessing us each day.

Because Owen got the flu early enough, the Tamiflu was actually available and we managed to even FIND a pharmacy to compound it for Ky.  That SAME pharmacy was also able to override some issue with her Medicaid and Insurance to MAKE them pay for the nearly $40 script.

The rashes, even if they were chicken pox… only appeared on the kids’ trunks and did not itch at all.  If it WAS chicken pox they got off REALLY easy!

I was NOT met with opposition as Owen’s school and was very impressed and relieved when both the counselor and assistant principal met with me, heard my concerns AND took a course of action to help alleviate my issues!  It was GREAT.  I love Owen’s school!

We managed to make it all the way through wedding season and never got ill!  The kids managed to always be “okay” until Sunday making it less stressful on us to be away.

Ross’ puking was NOT the flu.  He never GOT the flu.  The puke came from too much snot, too little appetite and too much pain in the ears.

BECAUSE we were at Megan’s office TODAY we were able to ALL get the H1N1 shot (Owen will go back this week for his) as it JUST arrived to their office today.  Now THERE is God’s perfect timing for you!

BECAUSE the Kroger pharmacy could not compound one of her meds I ended up having them sent to KY Clinic which SAVED me the co-payments.

BECAUSE we had to WAIT a long time at the pharmacy I was able to go through the Kroger store and find some amazing deals that I had been WAITING for and hoarding my coupons until the Mega Sale came around!!  (coupons have been such a HUGE blessing… I get all choked up about how God placed Ali back in my life to teach me this method… without her and God’s hand in our meeting back up we would be struggling even more than we are now!  At least I know we can put food on the table no matter what!)

BECAUSE we were in Megan’s office I had the opportunity to talk to her about Owen’s school situation and she agreed and was glad to write a note explaining why he is absent.  So now his absences are justified and we don’t have to worry.

Also we had a lot of peace and quiet today with the kids being sick so I was able to spend Troy’s sick day with him and getting my coupon run ready!!

Overall its been a GREAT day.  Amazing that its all in how you look at things.  Today my cup is not “half full” it “runneth over”……..

PS… our church has been so amazing in bringing meals and preparing some quick foods like fruit trays and soup to freeze… our bellies have been full and our hearts warm knowing that they are there and praying… thank you everyone!!  We love our church family SO much!

Recent Comments:

• XXX says A tip to save some cash when enjoying movies it that instead of heading to the movies on a busy [more]
• daphne says I JUST LOVE YOU!!! You always amaze me. You’re wonder womman of another kind!! I know it’s hard to BE [more]
• Jen says We are currently going through a pregnancy possibly affected by VACTERL…having more tests run. Would like to discuss some [more]
• Jen says Hi Amber! It’s lunchablemommy – actually not on A full cup anymore, so I wanted to send you my [more]
• Tracy says Love it! That is something Maggie would do. She loves Disney Princess stuff too. LOL. [more]

• August 26, 2010 -- Be Still…
• February 23, 2010 -- So it begins, Kyleigh’s next medical journey.
• January 12, 2010 -- Coming Home!
• December 15, 2009 -- One Day closer…
• November 22, 2009 -- Making Peace…

I cannot wait to go back to the Florida.  I would love to go and do nothing but sit on the beach and watch the sun rise and set over that water as the tide rolled in on my toes.  There is something healing and cleansing about the salty sea air, something serene and comforting.  Maybe its because I have fond memories from the time I was just a baby on the beaches of Pensacola and Navarre to the years of my teens, but I hope that my kids will grow up knowing the sound of the waves in their dreams.

Here are a few more images that I caught the day we were trying to head home.  I didn’t get as many we had liked but we are hoping to go back soon

And possibly my favorite picture of the ENTIRE trip………………………………………………..Recent Comments:

• XXX says A tip to save some cash when enjoying movies it that instead of heading to the movies on a busy [more]
• daphne says I JUST LOVE YOU!!! You always amaze me. You’re wonder womman of another kind!! I know it’s hard to BE [more]
• Jen says We are currently going through a pregnancy possibly affected by VACTERL…having more tests run. Would like to discuss some [more]
• Jen says Hi Amber! It’s lunchablemommy – actually not on A full cup anymore, so I wanted to send you my [more]
• Tracy says Love it! That is something Maggie would do. She loves Disney Princess stuff too. LOL. [more]

• November 8, 2009 -- Christmas Card Preview!
• August 28, 2009 -- Another few faves from Gulf Shores…
• August 26, 2009 -- Wordless Wednesday
• August 24, 2009 -- What the world needs is people who have come alive…
• July 8, 2009 -- From sea to shining sea…

This amazing moment in my life in unexplainable.  At the very same moment that I was first able to touch my perfect princess, I was being told by the Head NICU doctor that he was relatively sure she had VATER Syndrome.  The kind of things that swirl through your head when you hear that your child has a “syndrome”…. well sadly enough, many of you who are reading DO know that feeling.  Years later its just a part of life, like everyone said it eventually would be.  We deal with the issues one by one, and tubes, catheters, syringes, medications, testing, surgeries, etc are all just a part of our life.  “They” said it would get easier, and in ways it has, but mostly it is just “different”.  Dealing with each year has its new challenges.  If I were to talk to a new parent of a VACTERL kid now… I would say… “Things will get different someday”.  Because that is the truth.

Today I am so privileged, to be worried about sending out invitations, and which wrapping paper to choose.  Some parents don’t ever get those choices.  Some parents, today, are taking balloons to a headstone, and while I am hooking up feeding tubes, our family is blessed.

Kyleigh ironically enough, chose her “dress” from her closet this morning to wear today.  It was the SAME dress that she wore to her birthday party last year.  (Yes… the kid still easily fits in it…. sigh.)  We had not SAID anything to her about her birthday yet but she just KNEW she wanted THAT dress.  I know that she has some higher level of knowledge.  I just hope she keeps listening to that intuition as she grows up.  (as she grows up………………………………………………..  AS SHE GROWS UP!!!!!!!!)  Why is that a big statement that needs emphasis?  Well, before now, everyone glimpse of the future has been tinged with uncertainty.  As of today, Kyleigh is celebrating her birthday in the BEST health she ever has been in.  She is happier and more full of life than ever before.  She is opinionated, stubborn, smart, defiant, sweet, beautiful … amazing.

So… Happy Birthday sweet princess Kyleigh!  We love you!Recent Comments:

• XXX says A tip to save some cash when enjoying movies it that instead of heading to the movies on a busy [more]
• daphne says I JUST LOVE YOU!!! You always amaze me. You’re wonder womman of another kind!! I know it’s hard to BE [more]
• Jen says We are currently going through a pregnancy possibly affected by VACTERL…having more tests run. Would like to discuss some [more]
• Jen says Hi Amber! It’s lunchablemommy – actually not on A full cup anymore, so I wanted to send you my [more]
• Tracy says Love it! That is something Maggie would do. She loves Disney Princess stuff too. LOL. [more]

• August 26, 2010 -- Be Still…
• October 26, 2009 -- Do not be anxious about anything…
• August 14, 2009 -- “Never a ship… sails out of the bay
• May 28, 2009 -- Praise Report on Bentley!!!!!!
• May 7, 2009 -- Blessings of the Heart

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

I know I have illuded to some horrible financial thing that happened a bit ago and I am still reluctant to say this on the blog.  My business is fine, great even, but Kyleigh’s medical expenses, coupled with other blows to the economy have caused our personal finances, insufferable damage.  Sufficed to say that it left us in NEED of a vehicle.  My car lease is up and I need to turn it back in and we have been looking for a van.  Since we will be a single vehicle family now we wanted something big enough to carry us all… comfortably!

I have to first start out by saying, if you had told me even five years ago, that I would end up with three kids, and a used mini-van and would feel totally 100% HAPPY and blessed… I would have looked at you like you had grown a third eyeball!

Last night we ventured out to Paris to check out a minivan that a friend had pointed out to me online.  While that van was a no go- too expensive and they couldn’t work on the price other than to finance us and while they probably COULD have gotten the financing, we are NOT going to be a slave to debt anymore.  We wanted to be able to pay cash and walk out with NO lein and a title.

We left that dealership feeling a bit defeated.  It was a NICE van… but it was not exactly what I had wanted.  It didn’t FEEL like me.  So we decided we needed to shop around and see what was out there.  I had found a Pontiac Montana on craigslist and had REALLY been excited to see it but it sold before we could get there.

We walked into the used car lot at Paul Miller Ford and told them we have XX cash to spend.  Of course that begins the question of … is that down payment, is that before fees?  NO… you don’t understand.  I have saved up and THIS is what it is in the account.  That and $1.  The salesman went back in the building to look and see if he had ANYTHING in this price range and came back out saying he could not help us.  I walked out the door with a smile on my face.  It just wasn’t meant to be but SOMEwhere… I knew my van was out there!

As we were closing the doors of our car to drive away, the salesman, followed by his manager in a near RUN, were yelling at us to come back in.  At first I thought… ugh… this is going to get ugly.  The manager explained that he had JUST had a Van come in the day or two before that had not even been cleaned yet.  If I could look past the dirt then he would show it to us.  And it was IN OUR PRICE range.  Now… let me say… my price range was $3500.  I am not a rich person.  But I have been saving my pennies (and making money with my coupons!), waiting for this day.

It was a 2004 Pontiac Montana!  OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Everything that we could possibly afford was usually older than 2000 and had almost 150,000 miles on it!  This one had barely tipped 101,000! I was trying to contain my excitement as we pulled up because there is was.  I had cold chills.  This was a van that felt like I KNEW.  A van that I must have seen in a dream or something because it felt like an old friend.

When we were praying I told God.  I don’t need FANCY things.  I just need a GOOD reliable van with at LEAST one sliding door.  Well he provided that and more!

Welcome to the family: our (new to us!) 2004 Pontiac Montana MiniVan.  All power, 1 power sliding door on the passenger side, LEATHER interior (THANK YOU LORD!), Rear power and climate control zones, DVD ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM with wireless headphones, two captains chairs plus one bench in the back, back up sensors, on and on the list goes!

Evidently the manager had not done his research because when we hopped in and there was power door and DVD he was shocked.  He said “the dvd might not work”.  I told hime point blank “it does”.  I knew that if this was my GOD given car there was NOT going to be some problem like that.  I was right.  Everything was perfect and the OIL had even been change in the past month.  In further researching this van… God blessed us tremendously!  This van SHOULD retail for $8000+ according to Kelly blue book.  There are several on CL with a LOT LESS features that definitely cost more than ours and are in that $8000 range!  SOOOO COOL!

We sat down at the money table and I drive a hard bargain, just let me tell you!  The original price they came to me with was $5471!!!!!!!!  I was ready to get up and walk out.  I told you I have $3500 cash and you say $5400???  That is just wrong.  I expressed that I had not ONE penny over $4000 to spend and he explained that would make the car $3316 + taxes.  I had already pushed my budget $500 and I told him I just could not go anymore.  It HAD to be $4000 on the road.  After one last trip to “the war room” he came back, contract in hand, with the number $3316 + tax.  DONE!  We signed, wrote the check and two hours later drove off in our van!

As we were sitting with the finance guy we told him the story of Kyleigh and about our life.  He was truly amazed and had tears at one point.  Then I told him that I thought that the owner of this van traded in for a Ford Flex.  Troy said I was nuts… just supposing things.  The guy’s eyes got BIG as saucers as he said..”wHaT?”  I repeated myself and his mouth nearly dropped on teh floor.  He was astonished.  The people who HAD traded in the van DID buy a Flex!  Don’t ask me how I KNOW these things.  I knew the minute I sat down in the driver’s seat that THIS was my car.  It was like I had ALWAYS owned it.  It was familiar and comfortable.  There is a lot to be said for familiar.  The finance guy said he was going to play my birth date for the powerball… I told him if he wins… he owes me some moolah!  LOL

We were the last people out of the dealership and as we were walking out the storm had cleared and there were TWO huge rainbows.  Our finance guy pointed it out to us.  Amazing how God makes himself SO clear!!!

This is the pic of the rainbow that was taken from the front window of my van as I was driving it off the lot!

THIS… is what is it to be held.  To know that no matter how dark things look.  To KNOW that no matter WHO stands beside you or against you… that you have a HEAVENLY Father who is ALWAYS wanting to bless you and keep you safe.  To give you hope and a future.  WOW.

“He will receive blessing from the LORD and vindication from God his Savior.”  ~ Psalm 24:5

“I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.” ~ Genesis 12:2

And of course… Isaiah 61.  This truly is the year of the FAVOR of the Lord for our family.  It may not seem like it to many on the outside but knowing our story.  Knowing where we have BEEN… makes knowing where we are GOING all that much sweeter!  At one point in our lives we would have never been happy with a used minivan with a cracked front grill.  It wouldn’t have been good “enough”.  Now we know that not only is it SUFFICIENT… it is MORE than we could hope for or dream of and our God truly has poured out his favor on us.

“Our dearest Heavenly Father… thank you for this amazing day.  Today we will celebrate a wedding with a dear couple but most of all we will celebrate YOUR blessings.  We are so thankful that even when we cannot SEE you, even when its rainy and gray in our lives, you are there.  You have given us a rainbow at the end of this journey and we believe that you have blessed us beyond compare…. thank you Lord for reaching down into our lives and holding us up when we could not hold ourselves.  God we pray that you would reveal Yourself in the lives of those who are seeking and desperately calling on your name.  We pray that you would reach down and CHANGE their circumstance like you have changed ours.  That you would work a miracle in their lives that is inexplicably YOU.  Thank you God for the blessings that you have given us.  We will praise you for them ALL of our days!  … in the name of Jesus we pray… AMEN!”

I hope that TODAY… your life is blessed.  I hope that strongholds are broken and that God reveals himself powerfully to you.  Have a GREAT day!

Recent Comments:

• XXX says A tip to save some cash when enjoying movies it that instead of heading to the movies on a busy [more]
• daphne says I JUST LOVE YOU!!! You always amaze me. You’re wonder womman of another kind!! I know it’s hard to BE [more]
• Jen says We are currently going through a pregnancy possibly affected by VACTERL…having more tests run. Would like to discuss some [more]
• Jen says Hi Amber! It’s lunchablemommy – actually not on A full cup anymore, so I wanted to send you my [more]
• Tracy says Love it! That is something Maggie would do. She loves Disney Princess stuff too. LOL. [more]

• August 26, 2010 -- Be Still…
• June 16, 2010 -- Today I read a magazine.
• December 5, 2009 -- Believe….
• October 26, 2009 -- Do not be anxious about anything…
• August 14, 2009 -- “Never a ship… sails out of the bay

Bentley came through her surgery with FLYING colors.  She had surgery on Wednesday, was off pain meds by Friday and was released to a hotel on Tuesday!  They even think she will go HOME HOME on Friday!!!!!!!!  What a miracle!!!  God certainly answered prayers there!

I have to say it brings me to tears (for many reasons).  I am so SO thankful that their family did not have to go down the road we went down…. but then again I look back and think… wow.  We were so “young” in this whole medical thing we had NO idea what to expect.  Other than my gut feeling that we were going to be there longer than the normal 3-4 days… we had nothing else to go on.  We barely even had those “fight” for her instincts.  We had no idea how to express ourselves or how to get our point across.  We had NO idea how bad off she was, especially since all of the CICU team were always so positive.  It never entered our minds that we might leave that hospital without her.  Never once did I ask a doctor “Is she going to die?” because it just NEVER occured to me.  We always thought… “oh we are in for the long haul now”… but overall I guess you could say we had blind faith. Even through surgeries that nearly doubled the time they SHOULD have taken.  Even through days of seizing, severely impeded heart rhythms, talk of pacemakers, collapsed lungs, 106 fevers, double staph infections, second open heart surgery, 80CC pocket of fluid BEHIND the heart, lost weight, blood and platelet transfusions, and and and…………  I never honestly thought that we would loose her.

Maybe it was the ignorance that kept us going.  Maybe that ignorance was a form of protection.  Maybe it was GOOD that we had no idea.  I find myself wishing that we had NOT been so ignorant because if I had known then what I know now… things would have happened differently.  I would have INSISTED that they test the fluid that oozed from her wounds where they pulled her lines and drains.  I would have INSISTED they figure out WHY there was a 106 fever.  I would have INSISTED that they find a reason for the collapsed lungs (before 2 weeks in).  I would have INSISTED that they called the doc in the middle of the night when she nearly drown in her own chest.

I have to say … I carry a certain bit of guilt from that night.  We kept telling her… Kyleigh girl… you CANNOT be in that much pain… you are going HOME tomorrow… PLEASE don’t do this.  We were so desperate to go home.  I am just REALLY glad that she will never remember those days because it was NOT her fault.  She didn’t DO any of it.  She was the one suffering and the only people we could feel sorry for were ourselves.  We were exhausted, sick, and desperate.  Yet somehow there was relief when they threw her in the bed to wheel back to the CICU.  I have never really seen a flutter of activity like that before.  You could tell it was an “emergency”… it looked like something straight out of ER or Grey’s Anatomy.  On went the O2 canula and monitors, ekg lines and pulse ox.  In 5 minutes flat we had packed our entire life (AGAIN.. remember by this point we had moved her swing, her bouncy seat, bottle sterilizer, EVERYTHING to the hospital… we were LIVING there) into two red wagons and were once again headed back to the ICU to learn our “fate”.  It hurts me to know that I was so ignorant that I did not even REALIZE what kind of pain she was in.  Today… if this happened, things would be drastically different.  I play this over in my head often and think of how the ending could change.  Even with all of our stupidity and ignorance God kept his hand on Ky.  Her experience served to strengthen our testimony.  Our daughter has been legally “dead” twice and God has give her new life.  What could be more powerful a statement?Recent Comments:

• XXX says A tip to save some cash when enjoying movies it that instead of heading to the movies on a busy [more]
• daphne says I JUST LOVE YOU!!! You always amaze me. You’re wonder womman of another kind!! I know it’s hard to BE [more]
• Jen says We are currently going through a pregnancy possibly affected by VACTERL…having more tests run. Would like to discuss some [more]
• Jen says Hi Amber! It’s lunchablemommy – actually not on A full cup anymore, so I wanted to send you my [more]
• Tracy says Love it! That is something Maggie would do. She loves Disney Princess stuff too. LOL. [more]

• August 26, 2010 -- Be Still…
• October 26, 2009 -- Do not be anxious about anything…
• August 14, 2009 -- “Never a ship… sails out of the bay
• July 13, 2009 -- Happy Birthday Kyleigh!
• May 7, 2009 -- Blessings of the Heart

Kate… if you ever get the occasion to read this… I thought that WE were better than that too…. and we were… we just didn’t realize it and I believe that you and Jon are too!!!!

I know that everyone rips on Kate.  She’s bossy, she’s controlling, she DROVE him away.  That is just a lie.  I do NOT care what she has said or done it gives Jon absolutely NO right to do anything that he has done.  He made a commitment to his family and he made a CHOICE.

Kate… if you are still reading now… PLEASE do NOT feel guilty.  YOU did not do this.  YOU do NOT deserve this.  Period.

I know Jon has said that he did not CHEAT on Kate.  I have to be a little candid when I say… just because there was no “sex” that does not constitute complete faithfulness.  If you kissed someone… you cheated.  If you had an “inappropriate relationship”… YOU CHEATED.

Inappropriate relationship… that is what Troy liked to call it.  Its a bit of a flowery term don’t you think?  A little like a chocolate dipped jalepeno pepper… it looks like chocolate… but on the inside it is something that is the furthest from it.  It bites you and you didn’t see that coming because you THOUGHT it was chocolate.

Watching tonight’s episode was HARD for me.  Its been a good long time since I had a really CRAPPY day thinking about “the incident” and tonight I KNEW full well going into it that it would be this way.  I knew it and yet I felt the need to continue on.  Why?  My heart aches for Kate.  Listening to her at the end of the show say… its all for the kids.  She is being strong for the kids.  She will be friendly with him for the kids.  She has to so that the kids are healthy.  Jon acted like the birthday party was hunky dory and that everything was fine and the kids knew no different.  I am sorry to tell you.  They know.  My kids knew and they were a lot younger than yours!  YOUR KIDS FEEL IT.  Do not kid yourself into thinking that you are doing a good enough job that you can hide it.  Kids have a deeper connection than that to you as a parent.  THEY KNOW.

Kate… I hope you ARE reading… You do NOT have to take this.  I hear myself in you.  I hear my own words.  I am being civil for the kids.  You cannot criticize that hooker for the kids.  What if she ends up their step mother… HAH! NEVER.  ( Just for a moment I would like to digress to a conversation that I had with “the nanny” on the phone one day while Ky was in inpatient back in October…I told her… the best woman WILL win and we ALL know who that is.  I told her I would win and I did… *can I get a bit of a victory dance ladies?*)  But Kate… please know… this is YOUR family.. YOUR husband.  Do NOT go down without a fight.  Fight for your life.  Fight for your love.  Fight for everything you have worked for.  For your children… Fight and fight NOW.  Fight hard and DO NOT roll over and allow him to end this.  You are 50% of this battle and I personally am pulling for you!  It is possible.  Look at us… trust me if WE came back from something as terrible as what was done to me… you and Jon CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!  I wish had had someone to tell me this when I was going through it.  When I was doing this… I was doing it alone.  (well with the support, prayers and fasting of a whole herd of people) But mostly me.  Kate I know how alone you must feel.  I cannot even imagine how that must be magnified by being in the spotlight and paparazzi craziness.  I cannot imagine how having to do this in front of 1 million people must feel but I can tell you… FIGHT.  With every single breath you have in you.

You know… when you marry someone… you GIVE that person your trust.  You allow them into the deepest parts of your heart and soul.  You allow them to know things that no one has every known.  You tell them your hopes and dreams… you share with them your deepest fears and when that person, the one single person in the world who is supposed to be everything to you… betrays you… there is no pain that can describe that.  It the darkest, most lonely, aching place that a human soul can go to.

I really have always felt that I was BORN a fighter.  I have not had an “easy” life.  There have been many things in my life that could have “messed me up”… but they didn’t.  Even now… I fought and won.  I fought with the biggest allies on my side…

So tonight…

My dearest Heavenly Father, You are the maker of all things.  You are the winner of ALL battles.  You are the ordainer of marriage and the Father of Kate and Jon too.  Father God, please lay your hands of healing and peace on Kate.  I watched those last episode and I could FEEL the anger.  I know the sting of that rage.  Please God wrap your arms around her and allow her to fall on you.  And for Jon Lord… I pray that you would place a sense of conviction in his heart.  For whatever this bad decision it is that he has made.  Also allow HIM to know that there is peace and forgiveness, mercy and grace and that broken things CAN be mended.  Allow his heart to be turned toward his wife and kids and that he will come to understand his godly place in that family as the father and husband he needs to be.  God empower him to step up and DO THE RIGHT THING.  Because there is a right and wrong to this… God please allow the right to prevail.  And for Kate God… peace and grace.  God give her the will to fight for her husband and her family.  Allow her to SEE that this life… is HERS… and hers alone.  It is not to be shared with another.  Give her the strength and the peace of mind to continue on.  Give her the heart to PRAY for her husband and I am not talking.. “please God” prayers.  God I pray that EACH of these two would find themselves on their faces before you pouring out their hearts.  I pray God that you would turns their hearts to each other and that you would begin to heal them TOGETHER.  I pray that your would mend their hearts TOGETHER.  That you would bring them peace TOGETHER.  I know it is NOT your will for any marriage to be broken.  As your word says… we CAST DOWN every stronghold in their lives that would bring evil against… we declare that things will CEASE.  We stand on your promise that you KNOW the plans you have for us.. plans to promise and keep us… plans to give us HOPE and a future!  God I stand TONIGHT with every person who is praying for Jon and Kate and claim their marriage for the good of YOUR kingdom….. in the name of Your son, Jesus, we pray…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Amen.Recent Comments:

• XXX says A tip to save some cash when enjoying movies it that instead of heading to the movies on a busy [more]
• daphne says I JUST LOVE YOU!!! You always amaze me. You’re wonder womman of another kind!! I know it’s hard to BE [more]
• Jen says We are currently going through a pregnancy possibly affected by VACTERL…having more tests run. Would like to discuss some [more]
• Jen says Hi Amber! It’s lunchablemommy – actually not on A full cup anymore, so I wanted to send you my [more]
• Tracy says Love it! That is something Maggie would do. She loves Disney Princess stuff too. LOL. [more]

• August 26, 2010 -- Be Still…
• June 16, 2010 -- Today I read a magazine.
• December 5, 2009 -- Believe….
• October 26, 2009 -- Do not be anxious about anything…
• August 14, 2009 -- “Never a ship… sails out of the bay

I had trouble sleeping on Tuesday night, mostly because of my allergies, but partially because of Ky’s pending trip to the cardiologist. Granted, we love her cardiologist. Both of them, Dr. Cottrill who had been caring for Ky since she was born, and Dr. Bricker, who has since taken over her care, are fabulous. Even knowing that I just dread the day that we get MORE bad news. Although I always HOPE that every new doctor visit will bring more good news… I try to prepare for the worst and then anything short of that is “ok”. But this day… could possibly be the BEST medical day we have had thus far!

Kyleigh did phenomenally with all of the testing. The standard EKG, o2 monitoring, blood pressure, weight (which is down a little btw…), height etc… were performed and all in adorable Kyleigh fashion. I remember the days when we would literally have to hold her against her will to get an ekg… wow. She has come a LONG way!

Dr. B listened to her for a long time (which scared me a little) but he had to continue listening because the previous “sounds” in her heart (indicative of a residual VSD and mitral vale regurge) were GONE!. So off to the Echo room we went (no pics from there… its too dark for the old iphone! As soon as our U/S girl laid the probe on Ky’s chest she got the biggest smile on her face. While Ky’s heart will never look “normal” the mitral valve is NO LONGER LEAKING- not even a LITTLE! There is red and blue and that is IT!

The biggest news came when Dr. B came in to conference and declared that Kyleigh had a “beautiful” repair and that her residual VSD (that we thought we might have to close between 6-10 years of age) is GONE, closed, finished, HEALED…. (tears……….) How GREAT is our God??? (can you heart Chris Tomlin singing now??? LOL) I have no words to tell you how happy this makes me. Not only is there nothing additionally wrong, there is HEALING… complete and totally in her heart. I know beyond a doubt that this is no coincidence. This nothing short of divine intervention. So today… add this on your list of “miracles” that you have seen… because my girl… has been given another miracle.

Instantly my heart is reminded of the scripture:

Recent Comments:

• XXX says A tip to save some cash when enjoying movies it that instead of heading to the movies on a busy [more]
• daphne says I JUST LOVE YOU!!! You always amaze me. You’re wonder womman of another kind!! I know it’s hard to BE [more]
• Jen says We are currently going through a pregnancy possibly affected by VACTERL…having more tests run. Would like to discuss some [more]
• Jen says Hi Amber! It’s lunchablemommy – actually not on A full cup anymore, so I wanted to send you my [more]
• Tracy says Love it! That is something Maggie would do. She loves Disney Princess stuff too. LOL. [more]

• August 26, 2010 -- Be Still…
• October 26, 2009 -- Do not be anxious about anything…
• August 14, 2009 -- “Never a ship… sails out of the bay
• July 13, 2009 -- Happy Birthday Kyleigh!
• May 28, 2009 -- Praise Report on Bentley!!!!!!